


Oh My Love (Why Do You Hurt Me?)

by DemonDean10



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Depression, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Father-Son Relationship, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sadness, Slow Burn, Yoko's evil on this one sorry, but it gets better, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-07-28 00:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16230692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonDean10/pseuds/DemonDean10
Summary: 1978. John is locked up in the Dakota raising Sean practically all by himself. Yoko is having multiple affairs and doesn't treat John right. He's lonely, stressed, and in need of love.Derek Thomas is in desperate need to money, so he takes an embarrassing job for any 41 year old to take, an elevator operator at the Dakota. He's not expecting much, but he'll definitely get more that he ever expected.As the two get closer, will Derek be able to mend John's broken heart? Or is it too late for the former Beatle?A briefly thought of making this Mclennan but I have a whole other thing planned for those two so I made this story.





	1. Looking Out A Window

**Author's Note:**

> Pleeeeaaaaseeee, if you like: Comment or Kudos (OR BOTH) it means a lot.
> 
> Also: Yoko is NOT nice in this fic. I don't hate Yoko Ono, I respect her as an artist, but in this fix she sucks. This is all fiction, and not entirely (if at all) historically accurate. I tried to match up some events but things had to change a bit. 
> 
> There will be emotional abuse in this fic, if this will upset you: DONT READ.
> 
> Thank you, and if you want to read the story I really hope you like it.

Derek Thomas looked at himself in the mirror. He looked ridiculous. He was wearing his new uniform, it was a bellhop kind of deal only he didn’t work at the main desk, he operated the elevators. He’d just been hired by the administration of the oh so sophisticated Dakota Apartments. Truth is, he was desperate and so he took the job. He had to, he was practically broke, living in his best friend Raul’s living room. Luckily he didn’t have to wear a hat, but suits had never looked good on him.

 

He left the bathroom and grabbed his backpack from the beaten up red couch.

 

“Wish me luck, Mr. Pawton.” He said as he patted the head of Raul’s fat cat. The feline just hissed at him in contempt. Great. 

 

“Hey, Rul!” He yelled, “I’m leaving!”

 

His short friend called out from his room, “Wait, without breakfast? I was gonna make waffles.”

 

“Well why didn’t you?” Derek asked him.

 

“It’s 7. Seven a.m.” Raul said, “You know Daddy don’t wake up before 12.” And that was only because he had work at 12:30.

 

Derek shook his head, “First, you’re awake right now. Second, don’t call yourself that. Ever.”

 

Raul scoffed at him, “‘Cause you woke me up,  _ buey _ !”

 

Derek smiled, “Goodbye, Raul.” He said.

 

“Buena suerte!” Was called after him, “I’ll make waffles for when you come back!”

 

“Just don’t eat them all.” And Derek closed the door of the tiny flat. He had no idea how Rul was gonna make waffles, they didn’t have a waffle maker or dough or anything. Plus, Derek would be coming home late. But then again, waffles are a all day kind of meal.

 

He waved at Jerry, the cocaine dealer that hung out outside the apartments, and grabbed his bike from where he kept it underneath the steps that lead to the entrance. 

 

“You starting your new job, Thomas?” Jerry said to him through cigarette smoke. 

Derek nodded at him, “That’s right. At the Dakota Building, you know?”

 

Jerry whistled, “Boy, do I knoow. That’s where them fancy rich celebrities live.” He hit Derek’s shoulder, “Hey Thomas, You think you can get me a John Lennon autograph?”

 

Derek laughed, “I doubt John friggin’ Lennon’s gonna give an autograph to the elevator guy.”

 

“I don’t know man,” said Jerry after another drag of his cigarette, “Ma cousin Timo, you know Timo right? He met him once like back in ‘73 or somethin’ and said the brother was real nice.” He chuckled, “And not just in the behavioral sense, if you get what I’m sayin’” At Derek’s groan he laughed. “I’m just saying, you a handsome man Thomas, you could score a Beatle.”

 

Derek frowned at him, “He’s straight. He’s married.”

 

Jerry raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “So was you, but then you wasn’t no more.”

 

The other man just shook his head at him, “I’m late.” And he hopped on his bike and started to head away.

 

“Look man, just try to get me an autograph!” Jerry called, “Timo don’t let me see his!”

 

Derek waved at him. Yeah sure, like he’d meet  _ the _ John Lennon on his first day.

* * *

 

John stared out the window as he rocked his son Sean in his arms. He was humming a gentle lullaby to put him back to sleep. Sean wasn’t usually awake this early, and neither was John, but Yoko had come in earlier and woke them both up.

 

Well, not really. She’d come into the bedroom where John was sleeping and started to go through her wardrobe, not caring about the noise.

 

“Mother?” John had asked, half-asleep.

 

Yoko had just hummed in reply. She grabbed a short dress and looked at it in the mirror.

 

John took one look at her and sighed. She’d only come in for clothes to take back to her ‘work studio’ if work meant ‘sex with young and handsome assistants.’ John was a fool for hoping that day would be different from all the others.

 

“Are you coming back for dinner?” He asked, knowing there was no way she would come home any earlier than that.

 

Yoko still didn’t look at him, “I don’t know, John. I’ll see if I have time.”

 

John scoffed, “Busy day, have you?”

 

His wife turned to look at him, “Yes.” Was all she said.

 

They had looked at each other for a minute. Yoko hadn’t looked tired. She was dressed, her eyes looked alert, her mouth a fine line. John on the other hand looked at right mess. Shadows under his eyes, gaunt limbs, hair thinning. She looked beautiful and young, even as she carried on with the Heroin and all that other shit. John had gotten clean of everything except tobacco and the occasional drink and he still looked like shite. No wonder she was having an affair with her young, muscular, and handsome assistant.

 

John finally looked away and sighed. As he heard his wife keep on packing her clothes, he dared to speak up, “Sean misses you. Wonders why you’re never home.”

 

Yoko scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous, John. I’m not always away.”

 

John rolled his eyes, “Oh, please.”

 

Without looking at him she continued, “Watch your tone, John.”

 

He got out of bed, “Why?” He didn’t walk towards her, but made sure his gaze burned her back.

 

“Because I’m your wife, I know you’re not natural husband material John, but I do wish you would try harder.”

 

It was like she had driven a dagger into his back, and his mind was overcomed by pain and humiliation. And then anger,  _ he _ wasn’t husband material? Who was the one fucking the assistant? After the whole May Pang situation, that  _ she _ had arranged, they had both agreed that, for the sake of their Sean, they would be faithful. And John had been faithful. All those months spent away, even with the kind May by his side, had been total agony. He had begged Yoko to let him come back home to her, and she had kept on insisting that he still wasn’t ready. John now figured that she had had a lover too, and that’s why she wanted John away. 

 

He was awoken by the sound of the bedroom door opening, Yoko was leaving already.

 

He swallowed his anger, “Won’t you say hi to Sean?”

 

Yoko stopped, she was silent for a moment and foolish John actually had thought that she was going to change her mind. That she was going to stay in that day and spend it with them, maybe bake some bread. 

 

But all she said was, “It’s too early.”

 

And this time John hadn’t swallowed his anger, he had walked to the door and slammed it shut. “Look, Yoko,” He said, “You can cheat on me, disregard me, and disrespect me. But don’t you  _ dare, _ ” He snarled, “Don’t you dare, ignore my son.”

 

Yoko didn’t back down, she never did. “Your son?” She seemed amused, “You mean the son  _ I _ carried for nine months? The one  _ I _ gave birth too? The one I could take away from you any day?” Before a shocked John could respond she stepped closer and continued, “You think they would let you keep him? And even if you did,  _ I _ am in control of the money, John. I’d leave you without a penny.” She was inches shorter than him and yet she felt like a giant. “How would you support yourselves? Your music?” She laughed, not the kind laugh that used to drive John mad with love, this was a cruel laugh, a taunt. “You, John Lennon, are an old washed-up singer incapable of writing a single hit on your own.” 

 

John blinked and looked at the ground. There was too much to process. He was pushed against the door, incapable of moving his gaze away from her savage eyes. He felt his eyes getting wet but he held the tears back. He wasn’t about to cry in front of her, she had lost that right. Damn him, sensitive fool. As she stared him down with honest eyes, John realized that she was probably right. She could take Sean away, and take all the money he’d earned and put her in charge of with her. And she was also right saying he was old. Who would listen to his music nowadays? A thirty-seven year old ex-drug addict whose nights of entertainment had gone from drinking and dancing himself into oblivion to making up crazy characters and mad adventures to amuse his two year old. Not that he preferred the former over the latter. He’d take Sean any day. But if she took Sean? He’d be lost. Lost and alone. John would probably die if she took him away. And damn her she knew that, and she threatened to do so anyway. It wasn’t the first time, probably wouldn’t be the last. But fuck him if John didn’t believe her every time.

 

A small hand had raised his chin, Yoko had looked at him and he’d thought he had seen a brief spark of regret. But her tone was firm as she said, “Apologize to me, John.”

John knew he had to submit, he always did. And he hated himself for it. But he wouldn’t risk losing Sean and ending up alone. He’s swallowed and looked over his wife’s shoulder but she had forcibly adjusted his head so that he looked directly at her. 

 

John swallowed again, cursed himself for his wet eyes, and softly whispered, “I’m sorry, Mother.”

 

Her hand tightened on his chin, all her pity and regret had vanished, “Don’t whisper, John. It’s pathetic, be a man.”

 

John had cleared his choked up throat. “I’m sorry, Mother.” He had repeated in a louder yet no more stronger voice.

 

After that Yoko had left, without saying hello to Sean. John swore at himself, maybe if he hadn’t pushed she would have gone into his room and said good morning to him. Idiot.

 

As she had left the apartment Yoko had called out to him, “And no, John. I won’t be coming back for dinner.”

 

And John cursed himself for that too. And for the way the door had slammed as she’d left. That was the sound that had woken up Sean, and John was still trying to make him go back to sleep.

 

He looked out the window and wondered when was the last time he had gone outside. On his own, and beyond the radius of where he went with his walks with Sean. When was the last time he had gone out and hung out with his friends. Or even called them without Yoko either listening in or nagging him about it later. John had no idea how she found out about him calling his friends, but she did and she was very ‘concerned’ about them, she would say. Of course there was a nanny they occasionally hired when both John and Yoko would out, but those hours where always tense for John. He couldn’t help but worry about his son, and so he spent any time he didn’t  _ have _ to go out with him. 

 

John sighed and decided that he and Sean would go out today. And he wouldn’t even consult Yoko’s book to see if it would be okay for him to do so. Screw her and her stars. He needed to get out.

 

As he came to this realization, John saw a man riding his bike pedaling like a madman. He almost crashed the thing into Arnold Johnson, a pompous jackass that lived two floors down and worked in either a bank, or the government, or a fancy-ass company. Point is, Johnson was an asshole. John laughed as he saw the rather rotund man fall on his ass in the pavement. The thing hadn’t even touched him! He saw the bike rider (That was wearing a suit??) move his hands in apology but then running before the rich man could retort. John laughed again. He was distracted by Sean making a whining sound. John smiled at him son and sighed. “You’re not going back to sleep are you, Sean-Chan?” His son didn’t answer him, only looked at him with wide eyes.

 

John smiled a sad smile. If only Yoko could see in Sean what he saw. (He often wondered if this was how Cynthia felt back in the days. And then the guilt ate at him. So he stopped wondering.) 

 

“Come on, let’s get you dressed.” he told his baby.

 

* * *

 

Derek groaned as he finally took his place on the elevator. He’d been late and he had nearly crashed into some old white dude that looked like a damn orange, and his new boss had yelled at him. The man that had been covering his shift had glared at him with a passion and stepped on his foot as they exchanged places. And everything was so damn tidy. So clean and sparkly and a single doorknob was probably more expensive than Rul’s entire flat and Derek  _ so _ didn’t belong here but he hadn’t gotten fired and he was going to prove to that self-righteous bell hopper that Derek was not some simpleton that would fail on the first day, no sir nah.

 

Time went on and his day got better. He met an amazing old lady that looked like she was ready to declare war on the Soviets, their dog,  _ and _ your mum. She had asked for his name and had then gone into a story about an old lover she had had during the first world war called Dereck. With a C. Fancy.

 

Then he had met Bob. Bob had been high off his arse. And he had had a pooddle with him. Bob had said that he was a painter. Derek had said that he looked like one. Bob had looked offended. The poodle looked offended. Derek was just confused. Bob had exited the lift without looking away from Derek until the doors closed. Derek was left feeling odd and baffled.

 

There were a couple of other people, some he was sure he had seen in the papers before. 

 

Then, as the lift doors opened on the 7th floor, Derek’s jaw dropped. John Winston Ono Lennon stood in front of him, holding a baby in a carrier. The singer walked in, seemingly not noticing the look Derek was shooting him. In fact, he had not even looked at Derek, the man seemed lost in thought.

 

It was only after a minute went by and they still hadn’t moved that John snapped out of his thoughts, “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked and then turned to look at the operator. And then stopped. Because holy shit, the man was hot. Not in an Elvis kind of way, or even a Bowie. More like hot in a casually ‘I woke up like this’ look, his beard didn’t match the uniform and his blue eyes seemed to electrifying for a regular man. He seemed welt built, about John’s age, and slightly taller.

 

For a moment there was silence, as the two men looked at each other. Then Derek cleared his throat. “Sorry, sir. I just didn’t expect to meet you.” God that sounded stupid. The man lived in the building, of course Derek was going to meet him.

 

“Huh?” Was all John said. He had been looking at the man’s hair, it looked incredibly soft, even brushed to the side as it was John could see that it couldn’t possibly be tamed. He wondered if the man was like that as well.

 

“Mr. Lennon?” Derek repeated as he looked at the singer. Jerry’s cousin had been right. Lennon  _ was _ ‘nice.’ those cheekbones, oh boy. He was wearing a dark coat with a small pin on the left side, a long blue scarf, his famous round glasses, and a beret that matched the scarf. And he looked incredibly cute holding a baby close to his chest. But Derek waived those thoughts away. That’s right. The man had a  _ baby _ . He was married. To Yoko friggin’ Ono. And no matter what the rumours said, Derek doubted he batted for the same team as him.

 

John snapped out of it. Damn it, Johnny, control yourself! He thought. He had a reputation to maintain. He narrowed his eyes, “I asked what’s wrong? I have places to be, y’know.” Liar, John never had plans these days. And Sean seemed content to lie against his chest, in an elevator, with his dad and the hot new guy.

 

“I apologize.” And Derek looked away from the celebrity and focused on moving the lift. As they were going down, he suddenly burst out laughing. John looked at him like he’d dropped his brain.

 

John frowned at the man, and moved Sean subtly away. Hot as he may be, this new guy was creeping him out a bit. 

 

Derek saw him move, “I’m sorry. It’s just, this is my first day-”

 

“I noticed.” John said and regretted it as soon as he saw the man pause and look down. John swallowed, “Well, go on.” Wow this lift was slow….Good.

 

Derek looked up, “My friend said I was gonna meet you today, and I thought that was crazy. But,” He gestured at the singer, “Here you are.”

 

John smiled, “Yes sir, I am. Paul McCartney in the flesh.”

 

Derek chuckled. John thought he had a great smile, had the lift always been this hot?

 

John’s eyes looked down for a moment in victory and when he looked up again he asked, “What’s your name?”

 

Derek offered a hand, “Derek Thomas, monopoly extraordinaire and now elevator operator.”

 

Could this man be more perfect?? John looooved monopoly and he hadn’t played in years. Yoko thought the game taught distrust and selfishness. And it probably did but John was still the best at it. He wondered what that said about him. John shock his hand, “John, as you know.” He looked at his son, “And this here is Sean.”

 

Derek smiled at the way his eyes lit up as John looked at his son. He was about to speak when they touched down, he slowly opened the doors and the singer walked out with a soft “Thank you.”

 

As John walked away Derek called out, “See you when you return, Mr. Lennon.”

 

John looked back at him and smiled, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had someone waiting up for him, if he’d ever had. “I’ll see you then, Derek.” He took one step away then stopped again. “Oh, and…” Derek had a confused look on. John smiled softly at him, “Call me John.” After that, he walked outside.

  
Derek let out a breath. Had the John Lennon just told him, an old, divorced, ex-alcoholic loser to call him  _ John _ ? Holy shit, he loved this job.


	2. Conversations In a Lift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roberta Flack is in this chapter, I don't know much about her so she could be way out of character but she's nice so yay. 
> 
> Again, this is all fictional. 
> 
> Kudos if you like please. And leave a comment.

John couldn’t believe himself. ‘Call me John??’ Like they were friends or something? They had only just met! And the man was probably straight. He had seemed kind of flirty, or maybe it was just John. After dealing with a cold Yoko for the past years, anything warm could be a sign of affection. And if this Derek was interested in men? Would he think John was some kind of slut, jumping into a relationship even if he was married? He didn’t want to be like Yoko, a cheater. Not anymore.

 

It couldn’t work. John was far too busy taking care of Sean, and Yoko would find out all about the relationship in no time. She had eyes everywhere. She needed to know everything. 

 

He tried to move his thoughts away from the lift operator and focused on enjoying his time outside with his son. They walked through the park, undisturbed, and laid on the grass for some time. Sean giggled as John made up mad stories with many different goofy voices and expressions. After what must have been at least three hours the two headed back to the Dakota, with Sean walking alongside his father. He had learned to walk a few months ago, but John still worried he would fall.

 

As they neared the building, John’s heart began to beat faster. Would Derek actually call him John? How would his name sound coming from those lips?

 

They entered the building and John waved at Mr. Hally the bell hopper. The elevator wasn’t there yet, and he was both disappointed and relieved. As father and son waited, Sean pulled at his dad’s trousers.

 

“Daddy?” He asked.

 

John looked down at him with a smile, “Yes, Sean-Chan?”

 

His son smiled back, “Cartoon watch?”

 

John picked him up in his arms, “Yes, cartoon watch. But first we’re going to eat some lunch.”

 

Sean made a disappointed noise, “Cartoons.” He said.

 

John smiled at him, “I promise promise we’ll watch cartoons, Sean. As many as you want.” 

 

Just then the elevator doors opened and two men walked out, they nodded at John and he nodded at them. Then he looked at Derek. The man looked a tad tired, but had a big smile on his face.

 

“Hey there, John.” He said as said man walked in, “Hello Sean.”

 

“Say hi, Sean.” John said.

 

His son buried his face in his father’s neck.

 

Derek awed, “Oh, it’s okay little man.” He stepped closer but stopped when he saw John move back.

 

John cursed himself, stepping back was a reflect. Lots of fans and paparazzis always wanted to look at or even touch his son, John hated that about them. He grinned sheepishly, “Sorry, habits.” He shrugged as he looked down.

 

Derek smiled, “Hey, I get it. He’s your kid.” He then started the elevator.

 

There was silence for a moment, then Derek continued, “Did you two have fun?”

 

John smiled again, “Yes, we went to the park.”

 

Derek grinned, “Nice.”

 

John hesitated for a moment before asking, “Do you have any kids, Derek?”

 

Said man scoffed and shock his head, “No.” He shrugged, “I was married once, but eh, it didn’t work out.”

 

John nodded, “Sorry.”

 

Derek shrugged, “Don’t be.” He leaned towards the man, “But thank you.”

 

John blushed, damn his warm clothes. The man was standing so close! They looked at each other for a moment, then Sean spoke.

 

“Daddy?” He said.

 

John looked down and Derek stepped away.

 

“Yes, Sean?”

 

Sean looked into his father’s eyes, “Mommy home?”

 

Derek frowned as he saw John look away and into the floor. His expression had turned sour and sad.

 

John shock his head, “No, Sean. Mommy’s not home right now.” At his son’s downcast look he continued, “She went out to get you a present.”

 

Sean’s eyes lit up. And he started to giggle. John put him down, his arms were getting tired and he didn’t want his son to see his eyes tear up from behind the glasses.

 

But Derek saw and was about to ask if everything was alright when the lift stopped. Derek opened the door and Sean walked out, he moved like a little penguin it was adorable.

 

John walked out too and turned to look at him, “Thank you, Derek.”

 

Derek smiled his 1000 watt smile, “Just doing my job, John. You have a good day.”

 

John smiled. He hoped Derek’s shift didn’t end soon, maybe he would still be there when John went out to go buy Sean his present.

* * *

 

And he was. Looking bored and tired, but there. Roberta Flack was on the elevator with him, and they shared a brief hug. Roberta was a good woman, and a hell of a singer. 

 

“How’s the little one?” She asked him as soon as the lift started to move.

 

John’s eyes lit up, “He’s great, sleeping right now. I left him with Maureen for the moment.” Maureen was his next door neighbor, she was a writer of crime novels. But great with children. She loved it when John left Sean with her, not that it happened often. 

 

Roberta seemed to pause for a moment before continuing, “And Yoko?”

 

Derek saw how the light in John’s eyes died and it worried him.

 

“Yoko,” John said, “Yoko’s out right now...working.” He didn’t even know where she was. She had to have gone to her studio to drop of her clothes, but after that? She could have gone to Japan for all he knew.

 

Roberta gave a quiet scoff.

 

John sighed, “Listen-”

 

“I know it’s none of my business.” She explained in a firm, not looking at him or at Derek(who was very confused and concerned), “But you don’t need to lie to me, you know that.”

 

John gave a miniscule shrug, “I’m not lying.” He murmured. He’d curled into himself, he didn’t like to be called a liar. 

 

Roberta sighed, and as she did the lift doors opened on the second floor, her floor. She stepped closer to John, “Look, honey, I just want you to know I’m on your side.”

 

John looked up and smiled at her, “I know.”

 

She hugged him again and then walked out. The doors closed again. The lift didn’t move as the two men stood silently.

John spoke first, “She’s like that, Roberta.” He looked at Derek and forced a chuckle out his throat. “She finds reasons to worry everywhere.”

 

Derek didn’t answer at first, then said, “Are you okay?”

 

John stopped. He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream that no, he wasn’t okay. That his wife didn’t give a shit about him, that he was powerless to stop her hurting him, that he couldn’t sleep most nights and that when he did he had nightmares. Nightmares about losing his son, about being alone. He wanted to scream and whine and yell that he missed being loved, that he missed spending time alone, that he wanted to write music and perform. That he missed his friends, that he just wanted to desperately to get out of the cage he’d allowed Yoko to put him in. 

 

But he didn't. Because John Lennon didn’t have breakdowns inside elevators at nine at night. Because John Lennon wasn’t supposed to be broken anymore. He had gone to therapy and he was supposed to be fixed now. That’s what Yoko and her friends had said. If you had to keep on going to therapy for the rest of your live there was something deeply wrong with you, and there wasn’t something deeply wrong with John Lennon. 

 

He settled for a smile, “Of course, son.” He said in a cheery tone, “I’m always okay.”

 

Derek saw right through him, but he supposed it wasn’t his business to pry. Not on the day they had just met. He just nodded and moved the lift. “So where are you going?” he asked in a casual tone, that was a safe topic surely?

 

John considered lying, and then thought against it, he doubted Derek would betray him to Yoko. “I’m going out to buy Sean a present.” 

 

Derek paused, “Yoko’s present.”

 

John gave a dry chuckle and looked at the ceiling, “The very same.”

 

Derek could have followed with the same line of questioning that Roberta had, but he stopped himself. “What does he like?” He asked instead, looking at the singer.

 

John smiled at Derek, grateful to him for not asking about his marriage, “He likes stuffed animals, funny looking ones though, not the conventional ones.”

 

The lift stopped and Derek opened the doors, “Well, good luck on your quest.”

 

John smiled as he got out, “Thank you, Derek. I’ll see you tomorrow?” He knew that by the time he came back the night shift guy would have taken over.

 

“Unless I get fired in the next thirty minutes!” Derek joked.

 

John laughed, “Please don’t.” He said, in a lighthearted tone but with serious eyes, “You’re so much better than the last guy.” That fucking Phillip, who informed Yoko of John’s comings and goings.

 

Derek smiled and said, “Promise I won’t.” He could see the other man needed the reassurance. 

 

John looked down and waved goodbye. He left the Dakota with a smile.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until a few days later that things got weird for Derek. He hadn’t seen much of John, just twice in fact. The singer had been in disguise, he’d gone out for groceries. He went to a special street market that opened only on February and got all kinds of little foods to cook. They had talked about that food and Derek had jokingly said “You should invite me over to have a taste some time!”

 

John had laughed but Derek could notice a shift in him, the singer hadn’t answered. He had only looked at the ground.

 

Then a few days after that, Derek had met the infamous Yoko Ono. It had been right at the beginning of his shift, seven in the morning, when the petite woman had entered the elevator. She looked serious and was carrying a choker necklace in her hand, it had a little silhouette of a face at the front. Derek had a feeling he had seen it before.

 

“Good day, ma'am.” He had said upon seeing her, and had started the lift after she told him to go to the ground floor. Her voice was quiet, almost childlike.

 

Then she spoke again, “You’ve met John, my husband.” Her hands shifted around the necklace. 

 

Derek nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”

 

Yoko turned to look at him, she had a concerned look on her face. “I know this may be an unusual thing to ask, but I was wondering if you could do me a favour?”

 

Derek frowned, “What is it?” than as an afterthought, “ma’am.”

 

Yoko sighed and shock her head, “I worry about him, he’s not always stable you know.” At this Derek’s frown grew but she continued, “It would mean a lot to me, as his wife, if you could keep track of him and then tell me, when we see each other.” She gave a closed lip smile and drew her eyebrows in to appear worried.

 

Derek shook his head, “You want me to spy on your husband?”

 

Yoko laughed, “Spy is such a crude word. I’m merely concerned about John.” She looked at him, “The last man who had your job had no qualms about doing this for me.”

 

Derek bit down a scoff, no wonder John prefered him over that guy. He squared his shoulders, “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can't do this for you.”

 

Yoko’s expression changed drastically, her voice hardened, “I don’t ask for much.”

 

Derek looked straight into her cold eyes, “It’s still too much.”

 

Her eyes narrowed, she stepped closer and examined him. She hummed. Just as she was about to speak the elevator touched down and he opened the doors. Two people got in, Yoko had to get out. 

 

But before she did she said, “You’ll change your mind, eventually. It’s for his own good.”

 

Derek frowned as he closed the doors. The two people that had just walked in looked at him, he had met them earlier. Mr. and Mrs. Krystal. They seemed very nice.

 

Mrs. Krystal cleared his throat as Derek started the lift, “You shouldn’t you know.”

 

“Thalia…” Her husband started but paused and sighed.

 

Derek looked at them, “Shouldn’t what?”

 

Mrs. Krystal adjusted her coat, “Do what that woman wants you to do, spy on poor Mr. Lennon.” She tutted pityingly, “It’s not right.”

 

Derek nodded, “Yes, I wasn’t planning to.”

 

Mr. Krystal didn’t look away from the doors as he spoke, “Just remember, Mr. Thomas, that no matter what Ms. Ono tells you…” He sighed, “John is not crazy.”

 

Derek frowned, “She did say something about him not always being stable.”

 

Mrs. Krystal scoffed, “Well, she would. Ono is a liar and cheat.”

 

Her husband gently touched her arm, “That’s enough, Thalia.”

 

The lift stopped. Derek opened the doors automatically, not really thinking or hearing. After the two had gotten off, he closed the doors and leaned against the wall. Just how bad was the relationship between John and Yoko Ono?

 

One thing for sure, Derek promised himself (and John) that he would not become some sort of spy for Yoko Ono, not ever.


	3. Alice The Cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The David mentioned in the chapter is supposed to be David Bowie.
> 
> Also I may be messing with the timeline of John Lennon's cats so apologies to their ghosts. 
> 
> Kudos are awesome and comments are even better.
> 
> Also, happy birthday to John!

Days passed and Derek found himself actually liking his new job. They people he met were mostly nice, the pay was good, and it kept him busy. He had two breaks per day, of fifteen minutes each. He usually went out to get himself a hotdog during the first one and went out for a smoke or two on the second one. He saw a lot more of John, but he hadn’t told him about Yoko Ono’s request. He could never make himself do it. Somedays John was just so chatty and cheery, and Derek knew mentioning his wife would ruin his mood. And other days Sean was there on the lift with them, it seemed inappropriate to discuss his mum wanting to spy on his dad with the kid right there. And some days John was in a gloomy mood, he barely talked those days. And Derek figured telling him about Yoko would make it worse. He’d hardly seen Yoko since that day, and when he had was outside his shift. Either as he was arriving to the Dakota or leaving. It appeared that she was out quite a lot.

 

One day he saw her on the ground floor with a handsome young man, who appeared to be her assistant. She hadn’t noticed him but Derek had paused to stare. The assistant had been wearing the necklace he had seen her carrying the other day. He still didn’t know where he had seen it before, but he was certain he had. He moved his mind away from Ono, she wasn’t any of his business.

 

Raul had gotten a new cat the day prior called Felipe. Felipe was much nicer than Mr. Pawton. Derek also learned that John had cats as well. He’d even met one of them, Alice. John had been worried about her, she had not been eating well.

 

“I’m taking her to a vet,” John had said. “The one that usually comes to look at them doesn’t know anything.” He had sounded very worried.

 

Derek had been petting the cat’s soft hair, “I’m sure she’s alright. Just a small case of the cat blues.”

 

John had smiled at that, but his eyes still seemed downcast as he left the building that day. He’d come back a few hours later, looking a bit better. 

 

“So what did the doc say?” Derek had asked.

 

John had been holding Alice tightly in his arms, “He said something about how the flat was too stressful for her probably what with all the other cats, and she’s always had health problems, he figures maybe some time away would do her good. She likes her space to breathe, Alice,” John had said with fond eyes, “We always leave a window open for her, she doesn’t leave, she just sits there and feels the wind.” His words had sounded almost wistful to Derek’s ears, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about it. John had left the lift with a small smile in Derek’s direction, his favourite cat huddled in his thin arms.

__

* * *

 

“Mother, please. It’s just for a few days.” John was sitting on the kitchen table, Alice sleeping on top of some post next to his crossed arms.

 

Yoko had actually stayed longer that day, she actually ate breakfast with John and Sean. Sean had gone to his room at the moment, he was looking for a picture he had made of a cow to show Yoko. 

 

“I am sorry, John.” Yoko responded, actually looking like she was. “But I am far too busy to leave the city right now.”

 

_ Busy with what? _ John held back, instead he said, “You don’t have to come, it will just be Sean, Alice, and me.” John figured that would be alright, she left him alone with Sean everyday anyways. 

 

But Yoko didn’t seem to think so. “Don’t be ridiculous, John.” She stood up from the table as if to declare the conversation over.

 

John stood up as well and followed her into the hallway, “We’ll just go down to the country, have Alice feel the fresh air for a couple days, then be right back.”

 

Yoko grabbed her hat, “I said no, John.”

 

John decided to stand his ground, “Well, I think it’s a good idea and-”

 

“And who will drive you?” Yoko asked as she turned to look at him, “Tyron won’t take you anywhere outside of Manhattan without my permission.”

 

John persisted, “I’ll get a taxi.”

 

Yoko scoffed, “I doubt a taxi will drive you all the way to the country, John.”

John tried one last thing, “How about this? If I can manage to find a driver, you’ll let me take Sean and Alice out for a couple of days.” He tilted his head in widened his eyes.

 

Yoko looked at him, “It doesn’t sound safe, John.”

 

John sighed, “I’ll make sure it is.”

 

For a moment it seemed like she was going to refuse but then she paused and shoot a smile at him, “Very well then, if you can manage to find someone before Friday, you can leave for the weekend.” After that, she left the apartment.

 

John gaped. Had he just won an argument against Yoko? He couldn’t remember the last time he had. He wasn’t sure a mere two days would actually do anything for Alice but they were certainly better than none. Now he just had to figure out who the hell he was going to ask for a driver. John didn’t really have money with him, usually if asked money for something Yoko would give it to him but given her earlier attitude, he doubted she would pay a transportation company. It would have to be a favour. He couldn't ask Roberta, because she was busy all week and needed her man. David probably had a man in the city, but John would have to pay that or at least give the account information to charge the expense and he had no clue what any of that was. He decided to take Sean out into the park for a walk in order to get more ideas.

 

* * *

 

Derek’s eyes widened when he saw John coming towards him. Christ, the man looked damn  _ nice _ today. John was wearing a slightly loose white turtleneck with a sleeveless beige coat. He was sporting a couple of necklaces and had a pin on that said something Derek couldn’t read. His white trousers were tight at the thighs and only slightly flared, as that fashion had faded a bit in the recent months. He had different glasses on today, these were slightly less round than the usual ones and were tinted orange. Sean was walking beside him holding his father’s hand.

 

John entered the elevator with a smile and a small ‘Hi’ from Sean, who had grown to like Derek or as he called him, ‘Beret.’

 

After a few moments of Derek doing nothing but staring at him John started to frown. Did he look bad? He wasn’t going to lie to himself and pretend like he hadn’t been making more of an effort with his clothing choices in the recent days. But he did lie to himself and said that it had nothing to do with Derek, that he just wanted Yoko to notice what she was missing. But if Derek liked what he saw, John wasn’t about to complain. 

 

But what if Derek didn’t like. The coat was new, a gift from David, what if John looked hideous on it? Or maybe the old turtleneck was too loose on his definitely skinnier body? Dammit this is why John didn’t trust mirrors!

 

Derek forced himself to snap out of his thoughts, thoughts of grabbing the singer and just snogging him senseless. But then he remembered that Sean was Literally Right There and he restrained himself. He cleared his throat and looked at the ground, begging his cheeks to stop being so damn hot. 

 

John looked down as well (Sean was staring at the pattern on the ceiling and deciding that it looked like a moon castle, whatever that was) and curled into himself a bit.

 

Derek spoke, “Sorry, John. It’s just you look-”  _ For the love of God don’t say fine as hell  _ “-nice, very nice.” 

 

John’s head snapped up, “I  _ do _ ?” And wow, that sounded way more disbelieving than planned. Way to go, Lennon.

 

Derek gave an incredulous chuckle. Did this man in front of him really not know just how, well, gorgeous he looked? Derek promised himself to make sure he told him more often, the singer looked like he needed it. “Yeah, John.” He said. He paused for a moment, “You and Sean doing something special?” He also decided to start the elevator, if he didn’t his boss would shout at him later.

 

John’s smile was radiant as he shook his head, “No, I just...ah,” John couldn’t tell the guy he wanted to impress him, right? Because John didn’t. No. Not at all.

 

But apparently Sean could, “Daddy nice Beret.”

 

John choked, “Yes, yes indeed, Sean. Daddy does have a nice beret.” John coughed, “Which I am not wearing today because...it doesn’t, it doesn’t match with the coat.” Technically, he had many berets, he loved berets, berets rocked. And he did have one that matched the coat near perfectly but Derek didn’t need to know that.

 

Derek nodded but Sean seemed confused. The two year old pointed a small arm at the operator, “Beret.” He repeated.

 

Derek frowned, but he seemed amused. John gave him a smile that definitely didn’t look like he was forcing it and said, “Kids, huh? One time he called me juice.”

 

Derek laughed, and the matter was dropped. Thank whoever for limiting two year olds’ abilities to form sentences. 

 

* * *

 

John was disappointed, he still had no idea how he was going to leave the city. He briefly considered just taking a bike but that was asking for someone to assault him and Sean, so that was ruled out pretty quit. Then he considered driving, but then realized that would probably end up much worse. Also, he didn’t actually own a car. 

 

He and Sean were laying underneath a magnolia tree that hadn’t bloomed yet, with Sean going on about some things the nanny had read to him, and John made sure to at least partly listen. But his mind was preoccupied with Alice, she still wasn’t eating and she slept a lot. Sean had even stepped on her tail once and she had barely reacted, but when John had accidentally dropped a plate she had started to hiss at him most viciously. She avoided all the other cats and had gotten into a fight with Misha just this morning because the Persian had been sitting on her usual spot on the couch.

 

Eventually, they headed back home. Sean had gotten tired and so now John was carrying him, he cursed himself for forgetting to bring the carrier. He had been very distracted in the morning, what with Yoko and all. 

 

Derek smiled at the pair as they walked into the elevator, “How was the walk?” He asked them after he got the lift running.

 

John gave a half-smile, “Alright, I guess.” It appeared Sean had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

 

Derek frowned at his tone, “Did something happen?” He wondered.

 

John just sighed, “It’s Alice. She’s still asking odd and I don’t have anyone to take me and Sean out of the city for the weekend so she can get that fresh air we talked about the other day.”

 

Derek hummed and was silent for a moment. John was about to tell him not to think too much about his problems when the operator interrupted him, “Maybe I could take you.”

 

John was taken aback, “Really?” He asked, mouth agape, “What about your job? It would be for the whole weekend…”

 

Derek shrugged, “I haven’t had a day off since I started, I’ll just tell them not to pay me those days and that I’ll be back with a smile Monday afternoon.” He figured it was best for the cat to be away for two whole days and not have to cut it short on Sunday. 

 

John smiled with uncertainty, “Are you sure? I mean, of course I’ll pay you-” He tried to ignore the harsh ring of Yoko’s voice mocking ‘ _ With what money _ ?’ and continued, “But you really don’t have to-”

 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Derek smiled and slowly put a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, “You don’t have to pay me. Driving John Lennon across New York is reward enough.”

 

John blushed, plenty of people had said things like that to him over the years, but Derek seemed to actually mean it. He wasn’t like those others that just wanted an autograph, or a photo, (or a fuck), Derek actually appeared to be genuine. John trusted him, and John didn’t trust easily.

 

He looked into the other man’s eyes, “Thank you, Derek.”

 

Derek leaned closer as if commanded to by a magnet, “You’re welcome, John.”

 

There was silence for a moment, and for that small moment John dared to hope that Derek would kiss him. Later, he would tell himself that he was just desperate for some physical attention, Yoko hadn’t kissed him or held him in months. Later, he’d blame his leaning posture on exhaustion and not desire. But right now, as he looked into the other man’s eyes he pushed all that aside. 

 

Derek leaned closer and John’s eyes fell shut, the singer took in a deep breath and was about to lean closer too when the lift stopped, abruptly so. The moment was broken. John opened his eyes to see Derek turning away to open the doors. 

 

Feeling dejected, John readjusted his grip on Sean and made his way out the doors looking at the floor, but a hand on his elbow made him stop. He turned his head slightly to look at Derek.

 

Derek took a deep breath, “See you Friday evening then?” He asked, “I’ll cut my shift short and pick you guys up?”

 

John quietly sighed in relief, “Uh, yes. Yes, thank you, Derek. That would be fine. Whenever you can.”

 

Derek let go of his arm with an “Alright then.” and John lied to himself again and assured his heart that his body didn’t miss the touch.

 

They parted ways without further action, both feeling disappointed yet excited. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me updating a fic nobody cares about except me. yay.

That fact was that Derek didn’t actually own a car. But Raul did.

 

“ _ Esperate _ , you need the car for what?” Rul exclaimed as he leaned on the wooden counter behind him, waiting for his cake to finish baking on the oven. It was moderately nice oven he had bought himself for his birthday, he loved baking stuff on it. And Derek loved eating it.

 

“Yes, you heard me. John Lennon-”

 

“JOHN LENNON!” Rul shouted more than asked.

 

Derek sighed, “Yes, Rul. I told you.”

 

Rul spoke up again, “You mean to tell me that you’re going on a weekend vacation with a friggin’ Beatle!?”

 

“It’s not really a vacation, his cat-”

 

“Bah!” Rul started pacing, “You think you can get him to sing to you? Some good old fashioned 60s tunes? Or maybe he just does his solo stuff…” Raul turned to look at him, “Bro, you have to get him to sing you Imagine!”

 

Derek sighed again, “No, Rul. I’m doing this for him, I don’t want him to feel pressured.”

 

Rul just shook his head, “Ay, you’re way too good a person, Derek.”

 

Derek just scoffed, he really wasn’t. 

 

“Anyway,” Rul continued, “When do you leave?”

 

“Friday.” Derek answered him.

 

Raul nodded, “I’ll wake up earlier and walk to work. You go ahead and take the car.”

 

Derek smiled, he was lucky to have a friend like Rul. “Thanks, man.”

 

Rul waved him away, “Just get me an autograph, okay?”

 

Derek rolled his eyes, “Alright, I’ll ask him.”

 

His friend whooped just as the oven dinged. They looked at each other, the cake was ready, it was time to feast.

* * *

 

“Look, Yoko, I trust him.” John told his wife from his place on the windowsill, holding a notebook in hand. He had been trying to write a song for the past few hours after putting Sean to bed, and so far he had nothing. Nada. Rien. He remembered what Yoko had told him those couple of weeks ago,  _ “You, John Lennon, are an old washed-up singer incapable of writing a single hit on your own.” _ He had wanted to prove her wrong, but his mind was going blank. 

 

Then Yoko had arrived, she had said she wasn’t going to stay long, that she’d only come to drop off some dirty laundry, and John had told her about Derek’s offer. She hadn’t approved.

 

“Well I don’t, John.” She retorted, “Not with Sean.”

 

John wanted to stand up and scream at her, ask her how the Hell she was supposed to know who to trust Sean with or not, after all she barely took care of him herself. But they had had this argument before, and she always won, and she always made him apologize.

 

So instead of screaming, John begged. “Sean likes Derek, mother. He’s a good man.” 

 

Yoko suddenly looked at John with pity and moved closer, “Oh, John.” She said as she ran a hand through his hair, ignoring his small jerk away from her hand. “You barely know him. He just wants something from you, like all the others.”

 

John shock his head, “ _ No _ .” He insisted. “He’s different, mother. I’m sure of it, he-”

 

Yoko just moved away, “No, John. You don’t know. You’ve made mistakes like these before, remember?”

 

John’s head bowed, because yes, he remembered. He had trusted people before, and they all left him. Julia left him, Stuart and Brian they had left him too. Even Paul left him as well. George didn’t talk to him, Ringo only sometimes. And John knew he was to blame, he always was, but he couldn’t help it. He trusted people, and then he hurt those people, and then he suffered.

 

As if reading his mind, Yoko continued. “I’m only trying to protect you, John.” She put a hand on his neck and leaned his head back a little.

 

John was silent for a moment, then in a whisper said, “But I, I don’t think I’m wrong this time.”

 

In a flash Yoko’s hand was gone, and she turned away from him. “Look,” She finally said, “If you want to go with this Derek for Alice, fine.” She turned to look at him, “But you leave Sean with here, with me and the nanny.”

 

John knew that was the best deal he was going to get so he nodded, “Alright.”

 

There was a pause, Yoko appeared to be waiting for something.

 

John got off the windosill and walked towards her, he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, mother.” He said.

 

His wife just sighed and brushed the back of his hair, “Just don’t come to me for comfort when he disappoints you.” And then she left.

 

John stood there for a moment. He didn’t know what he was expecting. A kiss back? A hug? She had touched him twice in one day, that had to count for something, right? 

 

He shook those thoughts away and focused on coming up with something to tell Sean. His son had been excited about the trip, John dreaded having to tell him he couldn’t come. He briefly thought of canceling it, but then thought better of it. Alice needed the space. And frankly, so did John.

 

* * *

 

It was finally Friday evening and John was running around his bedroom trying to get ready. He had packed a small bag in the morning, but then realized that he had left the shirt he wanted to wear that day inside the bag so he unpacked the thing and then decided that he didn’t want to wear that shirt after all, so he had to pack again. Then the nanny had arrived and John had installed her in the living room (They didn’t have guest rooms in that particular apartment) and then he’d taken a shower and spent way too much time on his hair and the point was, John was running late.

 

Good thing Derek probably was too, he hadn’t arrived yet. John ignored the voice that whispered that Derek had lied and that he wasn’t coming, and resumed his search for that old choker necklace of his that he had decided to wear that day. His friends back then had always told him that he looked nice in it but John didn’t actually wear it more than a few times.

 

However, he couldn’t find it. John sighed, he was sure he had seen it not too long ago. He left his bedroom and entered the living room. Sean was drawing and his nanny was making up what would be her bed on the large the couch. 

 

“Agata, have you seen one of my necklaces lately, a choker with a little emblem in the center?” John asked her, frowning in confusion.

 

The woman shook her head, “No, sir. I don’t think so.” She put down the blankets, “Would you like me to help you look for it?”

 

John waved her away, “No, there’s no time.”

 

As soon as the words left his mouth, there was a knock on his door. Agata moved to open it as John hurried back into his bedroom to check his appearance on the bathroom mirror. He could hear Agata opening the door and Sean letting out a cheerful greeting. John closed his eyes and sighed, he couldn’t believe he was leaving his son alone for a weekend so the cat could get air and he could get laid. 

 

Wait. John surprised himself. He hadn’t actually been thinking of sleeping with the guy. That was just his desperation talking. He didn’t want to be like Yoko, he knew that if he was unfaithful that would mean that he had given up on the marriage. And John really didn’t want to give up another marriage. He wouldn’t be able to take it.

 

A knock on his open bedroom door distracted him from his thoughts and with a startled jump, John turned around. Derek’s hand was still raised in a loose fist from when he had knocked and he had a smile on his face. “You and Sean ready to go?” He asked.

 

John didn’t answer. He was busy staring at the other man. It was the first time he had seen Derek out of his uniform, and fuck, he had been missing out. The man’s long legs looked amazing in those tight jeans and his t-shirt left little left to the imagination concerning his physique. He was hardly buff, but his muscles were pronounced.

 

Suddenly John felt self-conscious and foolish. Derek would never look at a man like John, with boney limbs and loose skin. His face was too thin, his nose too long, his hair was rough...he could go on. He had heard them all before, and they were true of course. 

 

Derek stepped forwards with a concerned look, “Are you okay, John?”

 

John snapped out of his useless self-pity and forced a smile, “Yeah, fine. It’s just, well…” He shrugged, “Sean can’t come with us,” John forced a chuckle, “Mother won’t allow it.”

 

Derek frowned, “Mother?”

 

John cursed himself, “Yoko.” He corrected with a look to the floor.

 

Derek merely nodded in understanding, “Well, that’s a shame.”

 

John nodded as well, but then gave a hopeful smile, “But hey, you still get an old Beatle and his depressed cat.”

 

Derek laughed, “Hey, that’s just fine by me.” He threw a wink towards the singer without thinking.

 

John laughed as well and thought nothing much of the wink. Americans winked a lot, he’d found. It never meant much.

 

Derek then remembered his promise, “Especially when the Beatle looks so handsome.” Wait no, that had sounded way too flirty. But then again, Derek had wanted to flirt. He liked John, and he had a feeling John liked him too. Maybe just a little, and maybe this trip, without Sean, would help them get together. Perhaps Derek should feel guilty about wanting to sleep with a married man, but John needed someone to love him, and it was painfully clear that Yoko wasn’t it.

 

John choked on his own spit at the other’s words. Could it be that Derek wasn’t just fooling around and actually found John attractive? Did John actually have a chance of sleeping with the guy? No! He couldn’t think like that. He coughed, “I, thank you.”

 

Derek dared to walk closer to the ex-Beatle, he stopped a couple feet away from John and leaned close, “I mean it, you know.” He said, looking into the other’s eyes, “You’re gorgeous.”

 

John’s eyes widened but he scoffed and looked away, “I’m really not.”

 

Derek took him by the chin with a gentle touch and turned his face to look at him again, “Yes, John. You are.”

 

John took a deep breath and felt himself leaning forwards. Derek looked down at the singer’s mouth and licked his own lips. John took a step closer and looked at the other’s mouth as well. They were incredibly close to one another and would have kissed right there and then if a little voice hadn’t interrupted them. 

 

“Daddy?” Sean’s voice rang out.

 

John snapped his head away immediately and moved several steps away, incredulous at his actions. He cursed at himself, the nanny could have walked in and boom, scandal on the first page. He didn’t look at Derek as he walked to where Sean stood and kneeled down. “Yes, Sean-chan?”

 

His son hugged his neck, “Miss Agata says its getting darker outside.” Damn, it was time to go.

 

John hugged him back and squeezed, “Oh, don’t worry Sean. I’ll be back before you know it.” He moved back, “I promise, okay?”

 

His son hugged him again. Derek watched the scene with a smile on his face, feeling a tad guilty over coming on too strongly.

 

John stood up, his child still in his arms and with his free hand he grabbed his suitcase and left the room, still not looking at Derek, who followed him.

 

“I’m going to miss you so, so much, Sean-chan.” John said as he hugged his son one more time. He squeezed him tight until Sean protested, “Oh, I’m sorry.” He put the kid down, “Now you be good for Agata, okay?”

 

“Yes, daddy.” Sean said, “Mommy?”

 

John sighed, “Yes, mommy will be here soon.” Yoko had told him that she would come spend time with Sean while John was away, the singer only hoped that she would keep her promise.

 

He grabbed his suitcase and nodded to Agata, she had everything she needed. Then he turned to Derek and gestured with an arm, “Lead the way.”

 

Derek said goodbye to Sean as well and then left the flat.

 

* * *

 

Derek was the first to speak as they got into the car, they hadn’t said a word the whole elevator ride. “Hey look, I’m sorry.” He said, looking at the man holding a sleeping cat on the seat next to him, “If I came on too strongly, I mean. I just…” He sighed, “I can’t help it.”

 

John didn’t say anything and didn’t look at him either.

 

Derek took his chin gently again, “Listen, John...I really like you.” He saw the other’s eyes widen, “But if you don’t like me, I’ll back off, okay?” He rubbed at John’s cheek, “But something tells me you do, so please, don’t be afraid.”

 

As if it were that easy, John thought. He would love to just throw all his concerns to the side and snog the American right then and there, but he couldn’t. Not yet. He moved his head away, “I need time.”

 

Derek sighed, but nodded. “Alright, that’s fine.” He started the car, “I’m willing to wait.”

 

John sighed and rested his head against the glass, “You might have to wait a long time.”

 

Derek smiled, “Are you sure?”

 

John didn’t answer. 

 

The other man looked away, “You mind if I put on the radio?”

 

John shook his head.

 

Derek put on a random station.

 

_ ‘-and it’s Beatles’ weekend here in New York, man how we miss those guys-’ _

 

John chuckled. Christ, his life was one big cosmic joke. 

 

Derek cursed, “I can’t turn it off if you want-”

 

“No.” John said with a smile at the city, “Leave it.”

 

“...Alright, then.”

 

_ ‘-Paul McCartney and Wings’ “With a Little Luck” is number 1 in the Charts-’ _

 

John smiled, he hadn’t liked the song much, but he was happy for his friend. He would like to give him a call, but Yoko was determined to keep the two apart. He could barely talk to Ringo, calling Paul was out of question. 

 

_ ‘-now let’s hear a Lennon classic, “Across The Universe” a song for all you dreamers out there- _

 

John began to sing along as the song started, closing his eyes as the world faded away. 

 

Derek had a hard time keeping his eyes on the road. Here he was, listening to John freakin’ Lennon singing along with one of his own Beatle songs, what an honour.

 

They spent the following hours of the trip listening to Beatle music with John singing along to every song. In the middle of ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand’ the singer had prompted Derek into singing along as well.

 

“Oh no, I-I couldn’t. I can’t sing.” Derek stammered.

 

John laughed, “Neither can I! Who gives a shit?” He smiled brightly, “ _ Yeah, you~ Got that something, I think you’ll understand- _ Come on, sing!- _ say that something-” _

 

Derek joined in, “ _ I wanna hold your hand~” _

 

Indeed, he had a poor voice. But John didn’t care and he smiled even more brightly. He hadn’t smiled so much in ages.

 

Derek smiled back, he couldn’t believe this was his life. Then John surprised him one more time by grabbing Derek’s hand that was resting on Derek’s knee, and then laid them there together.

 

John kept on singing without looking at his companion, but his shoulders were tense. He relaxed with a soft smile when Derek squeezed his hand and the two kept on singing.


	5. Breakfast and Pianos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My McLennon fics r on the works, don't worry. I'm just really feeling inspired for this right now soooo. yay.
> 
> I really felt encouraged by ur comments last time, thank you. This one isn't really long but its a goodie

John stared up at the ceiling as he laid in bed. He was in the main bedroom of the country house they were staying at. Alice was asleep on the window still, her tail curled around her. Derek was in one of the guestrooms. 

 

John had been asleep when they arrived at the house, having given Derek directions on the way. The older man had awoken him gently in a soft voice, but John had still startled away. He did not like to have things or people so close to his face when he awoke. Derek had apologized but the singer had waved it away. 

 

After a brief tour of basically the kitchen, the living room, and the bedrooms, the two of them had shared an awkward goodnight. Unknowingly to John, Derek had stared after him as he walked to the main bedroom. 

 

And now there John laid, deep in his thoughts. He hoped Alice would benefit from this change of scenery, but he missed the familiar walls of his ivory tower. And he missed Sean, he hadn’t spend more than a day apart from him since his birth and it was taking its toll on his nerves. But he had already rang the Dakota twice, awaking Agata the second time. 

 

He was also thinking about Derek, about his declaration. John was tempted, very tempted. But, for the first time in his life perhaps, he wanted to stick to his vows. He had to be faithful to his wife. Maybe one day Yoko would realize how much she missed his touch and would go back to him, and he could be there with his arms opened. Yes. That would be nice. But John was lonely and Derek was so kind. Then again, so was Yoko not so long ago. 

 

The singer fell into an uneasy sleep with these thoughts plaguing his mind, hugging a pillow to his chest. 

* * *

 

Derek whistled as he cooked some sunny side up eggs, like his momma had taught him. He’d woken up early and had gone to a little store that he had seen when they had been driving. It was around ten now and there was still no sign of John, but Alice was in the living room, on top of the piano that was there. 

 

He jumped as the bed popped up from the toaster and cursed as one of the yolks broke. Well crap, he’d eat that one. 

 

Just then, footsteps were heard coming from the hallway and John showed up. He was wearing a black kimono with beautiful designs near the bottom. His hair was messy but it looked good on him and he was rubbing his right eyes beneath his glasses. 

“Morning, John!” Derek said with a big smile, “I made you some breakfast.”

 

The singer’s smiled dropped as he sniffed. “Oh.” He said as he looked at the plates. “Thank you, Derek.” He said meekly, “But I can’t eat that.”

 

“Oh?” Derek’s smile dropped too.

 

John sat down in one of the stools, “Yeah, my diet, y’know. No eggs.” He offered a thin smile.

 

The older man was silent for a moment, “That’s alright. Would you still like the toast? Can I make you something else?”

 

John shook his head, “That toast is just fine, Derek.”

 

“You want butter?” The other man said as he got it out of the small refrigerator. 

 

The singer shook his head again, “No butter allowed, either.” He shrugged with a laugh, “Can’t get fat.”

 

Derek forced a chuckle out. “Well, I think you’re in perfect shape. Gorgeous, I’ve said it before.”

 

John said nothing and only shook his head.

 

After a few moments of silence except for the sounds of eating, Derek dared to ask. “Would you mind playing for me? At the piano, I mean.”

 

John looked up at him, “I, no of course. Yeah sure.”

 

“Nice.” Said the other man with a smile.

 

“I bet you want to hear Yesterday.” John said sardonically without really meaning to, it was a reflex.

 

But Derek shook his head, “Whatever you like, I like all your songs.” And Derek did, really. Some more than others but John’s voice was intoxicating, even before they’d met. 

 

John snorted in real amusement, “Havin’ a laugh, are you?” He liked his work too, but he’d written some bad songs in his time. He knew it. Yoko knew it. His friends knew it. The critics, especially, knew it. 

 

The other man frowned, “No.”

 

John stood up, “Alright.” He didn’t know what to do with so much flattery, “Any song you prefer?” He started to walk towards the living room. 

 

Derek pondered the question, “My friend told me to ask you to play Imagine, but my favourite has always been Jealous Guy.”

 

The singer sat down on the piano bench. He caressed the keys softly. Jealous Guy was a song he had started in India after a fight with Paul. they had been arguing about Yoko, it had seemed so weird then. His best friend had been worried about their friendship, in that trip John had been distancing himself from everyone especially Paul and Cynthia. And the more Yoko wrote, the more he ignored them. He couldn’t help it, she was new and fascinating. 

 

Then the song had disappeared from his mind but he’d picked it up again years later, in the middle of recording Imagine. He put it there as an apology of sorts, to the both of them, he only hoped they had gotten it. 

 

He rubbed his hands and startled to play. As he sang, he felt his companion’s stare on his back. His fingers stumbled on the keys when he felt two hands touch his shoulders but he recovered quickly and kept going as if there was nothing unusual going on. 

 

Derek caressed the nape of John’s neck and joined in on the whistling. 

 

John’s breath hitched as the wandering hands reached his front but his fingers kept playing. The hands sneaked beneath his kimono and gently stroked the musician’s chest. Instinctively, John found himself leaning back towards the other. It was only after his felt one of his nipples being brushed that he snapped awake. In an instant he was standing up, pressed against the piano, and facing Derek. “What are you doing?”

 

Derek looked down and stepped away, “I’m sorry, I-”

 

“I told you I needed time!” John said, his eyes narrowed. “Is that all you want? To fuck me?”

 

Derek’s eyes snapped up, “What? No!”

 

John laughed, “Oh, really?” He adjusted his robe and moved, feeling more than a little upset.

 

The other man grabbed his hand, “John, you have to believe me. I’m not just here ‘cause I wanna sleep with you, I genuinely like you.” 

 

John shook his head, “I’ve heard those words before.” His voice didn’t sound angry, it just sounded sad. 

 

“I’m different, John.” Said Derek, “I think you know that.”

 

John snatched his hand away, “You think you know me so well, don’t you?”

 

The older man sighed, “I want to get to know you.” He wanted to say that he knew that John was lonely, starved for touch and love, but he knew it wasn’t appropriate at the moment. 

 

John shook his head. Had Yoko been right? Or was he just overreacting? 

 

Derek stepped closer. “John,” He said, “I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I didn’t think.” He’d been thinking about the night before, when John had held his hand. Sure, hand holding was small compared to what Derek did but it showed John’s interest...right? Or had he imagined it?

 

John sighed with a look to the ground, “You didn’t. Make me uncomfortable, that is.” He went to one of the couches and sat down. “I just...I can’t cheat on Mother. Not again, I…” His voice broke, “I  _ can’t _ .” He brought his arms up to hug himself.

 

Derek sat on a soft chair near the couch, “John, you need love. I see you every week, just you and Sean on your own...it’s not right.”

 

John knew that. Of course he did, but it was what he had to endure to stay with his son. He had never minded being a househusband, in fact, he was proud of it but Yoko wanted him isolated from the world, and he didn’t know for how much longer he could bear it. “If she finds out...she’ll take everything.” Sean, his money, the Dakota, his reputation too probably, everything. 

 

Derek’s heart broke for this beautiful man, “She won’t-”

 

“No, she will! Mother knows everything!” John’s breaths startled to come in short puffs, “I can’t be alone,” He muttered to himself, “I can’t, I can’t be alone.”

 

Derek kneeled in front of him, “You won’t be, John. Yoko will not find out.” He reached up to wipe a few stray tears, “Please, allow yourself to be happy, John. You deserve happiness. You deserve love.”

 

John stared at him through the lenses of his glasses. Did he? He had hurt so many people in his lifetime: Cynthia, Paul, Julian, May, George...all his friends, all his lovers, so many people. And now here was this man in front of him, asking him to betray one more person.  

 

Derek sensed his doubt, “Yoko has been cruel to you. You don’t owe her anything.”

 

Even if John believed that, his major concern wasn’t that, it was fear. Fear of what she could do to hurt him.

 

“I won’t let her hurt you, John.” Derek continued, almost as if he had read the singer’s mind. When John didn’t answer, he said, “Trust me.”

 

There was silence. Then John started to move. Slowly, he uncoiled himself and dropped to his knees in front of Derek. Their faces were incredibly close and the older of the two had to move away slightly when John reached up to take his glasses off.  

 

Depositing them gently on the carpeted floor, John let out a deep breath. “I trust you.” And sealed their lips.

 

It wasn’t a lustful kiss, but there was a touch of desperation in it. This kiss would seal it all, would proof if it all was real or not. There was fear, and there was hesitance. But there was tenderness and warmth and something that one day could be called love. 

 

John’s mouth was small but strong, and it engaged Derek’s in a gorgeous dance. It wasn’t about dominance, it was about trust. Soon, Derek’s hands were back in John’s neck and John’s buried in Derek’s hair. They moaned as their tongues met and eagerly explored each other’s mouths. John hadn’t been kissed in ages, god it was beautiful.

 

Derek was the first one to open his eyes once they separated. He had a smile on his face that matched John’s, both bathed by bliss. He reached out to brush a stray lock of hair away from the younger man’s face and tucked it behind his ear. 

 

John finally opened his eyes and squinted at the blurred figure in front of him. “I can’t see you.”

 

Derek laughed and went to grab the glasses, but a calloused hand stopped him.

 

“That’s fine.” Said John, “I don’t need to, I trust you.” And he leaned in again for another kiss.

 

Derek closed his eyes, he couldn’t recall the last time he’d been so happy.


	6. Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Another post for this little story jijiji. We get to see Paul!
> 
> I'll be updating The Fool By The Seaside this week, the chapter is almost finished. And later toay or maybe tomorrow I'll be putting up a new McLennon/Starrison story. It's another AU. 
> 
> I just have so many ideas. 
> 
> Please leave a comment if u like (u won't annoy me C;)

John sighed in contentment from his position on the couch. His head was in Derek’s lap and the older man was brushing his scalp. They were watching some show about a couple that had moved to some fancy building or something, he wasn’t really paying attention. 

 

After their kissing session, John had gone to take a shower. The day wasn’t very brights and so they had decided to remain inside. John still couldn’t believe he had given in to Derek, but he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so cherished. 

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Asked Derek. 

 

John turned his head to look at him, “I feel wonderful.” He said.

 

Derek smiled, “I’m glad.” And he leaned down to plant a kiss on the other man’s waiting lips. 

 

And then it came to John:

 

_ From this moment on I know _

_ Exactly where my life will go _

_ Seems that all I really was doing _

_ Was waiting for love~ _

 

He snapped up after he finished the verse and looked into Derek’s eyes. 

 

The older man stared back with an amused frown, “Sounds nice, is it new?” He was downplaying his reaction, had he inspired John Lennon to write a song? That was amazing!

 

John gave a wide smile, “Yes!” He exclaimed and quickly went to the piano. “Could you get me a piece of paper? And a pen, please.”

 

Derek was quick to stand up, “Yes, I’ll be right back.”

 

John started to tinker with the verse. He had to build something around it, somehow. His mind was taken to a song he ha been working on a couple of years ago that had died a silent death. 

 

_ Woke up this morning, blues around my head _

_ No need to ask the reason why _

_ Went to the kitchen then I jumped back into bed _

_ Something nasty in the sky _

 

_ No need to be afraid _

_ No need to be afraid _

 

_ It's real life _

_ It's real _

 

He thought for a moment.  _ It’s real life~ _ ...Love.  _ It’s real love~ _ yes, he could build something from that. 

 

He took the paper and pen Derek offered him and got to started to jot down ideas.

 

Derek stared at him for a moment and then started to walk away, “I’ll leave you to it.” He wasn’t upset, he just really really didn’t want to get on the way. 

 

John raised his head, “What? No. I need you to give input.” He waved him over, “Come on.”

 

Happily, Derek grabbed a chair from the kitchen and sat down next to the piano.

 

John gave him another excited and grateful smile, and leaned forwards to kiss him.

* * *

 

Paul McCartney didn’t anger easily, and even if he did get angry it took an even longer time to show it. But he was nearing his boiling point with Yoko Ono’s damn secretary. Every time he tried to call John, this man would answer and give him one excuse or another: ‘Sorry, Mr.Lennon is busy.’ ‘Mr. Lennon is unavailable at the moment.’ ‘Mr.Lennon does not wish to be disturbed.’ ‘Mr.Lennon is away at the moment. Would you like to leave a message?’

 

And Paul always left messages and a desire to get a call back but nothing! He knew it wasn’t John, because the one time he had picked up the phone the older man had sounded absolutely delighted to hear from Paul. He had asked why Paul never called, Paul had told him he had called many times. John had gone silent then and quickly moved on. 

 

McCartney didn’t understand what was wrong, why did John not have access to his phone? It worried and annoyed him. He had tried to pay John a visit once earlier in ‘78, but he’d been intercepted by Yoko herself, who had told him in a firm voice that it wasn’t a good time. 

 

He’d called Ringo, who told him a similar tale of barely being able to get through to John. And George, of course, had not really tried recently. Paul had seen Roberta Flack at a dinner in London and had asked after John, she had seemed concerned and told him to visit the Dakota again, but he hadn’t had any free time. 

 

Until now. He could leave for a weekend, perhaps more, in about a week. He’d be careful not to get caught this time, and actually see John. He had tried to reach him today in hopes of telling him about the upcoming visit (Like John had warned him to do two years ago) but he’d had no luck. 

 

Sighing, he leaned back in him comfy chair and looked at a picture he had of the two of them on his desk. It must have been ‘68 because John already had glasses and shoulder length hair. Neither of them were smiling but they didn’t look upset, it was a good picture. 

 

He wanted to see John, he missed him and missed talking music with him, even if the older man had no interest in the business anymore.

* * *

 

John’s back ached by the time he stood up from the stood up from the piano bench. It must have been hours. The song wasn’t anywhere near finished but John didn’t mind, it was more than he had done in the past three years. 

 

Derek had gone to take a nap around an hour ago and John headed in the direction of his room. 

 

He knocked on the door, “Derek? Still sleeping?”

 

He heard a small groan as a response and, giggling, walked into the room. He sat next the older man and brushed aside a lock of hair. 

 

Derek’s voice was gruff as he spoke, “Time is it?”

 

John shrugged, “Don’t know. Around six, I’d guess.”

 

The older man sat up and gestured to John, “Come here.” He opened his arms. 

 

John frowned but moved closer. He let out a yelp as he was picked up and deposited in the other man’s lap. His arms automatically went up to circle Derek’s neck and he sighed into the gentle kiss he was given. 

 

Derek looked at him, “We should go out for dinner.”

 

John’s smile dropped. He couldn’t possibly go out, everyone would see who he was and bother him and it’d get back to Yoko. “We can’t.”

 

The older man nodded, “I know. I still want to.”

 

John sighed, “I’ll cook diner, it’ll just be us. You like fish?”

 

Derek smiled, “I love fish.”

 

John kissed him, “Good.” And he stood up, “Wait,” He said and turned to look a Derek, “Could you go get the ingredients?”

 

“Of course.” The other man chuckled and stood to follow him. 

 

* * *

 

“This has got to be the best meal I’ve ever tasted.” Derek said. “Seriously, John. Thank you.”

 

The chef looked down, “Should have tried my earlier efforts,” He raised an eyebrow, “Those really were..unforgettable.” Poor Sean had been sick for days, and Yoko had needed serious convincing before she allowed him near a fish again. 

 

Derek laughed and reached for the bottle of wine, “Refill?”

 

“Please.”

 

After making sure they each had enough, the older man raised his glass, “To us.”

 

John clinked it, “To us.” He repeated in a slightly softer voice. 

 

“Everything okay?” Derek frowned, could John be having regrets? It didn’t seem likely.

 

John sipped his wine, “I’m just worried, we have to go back in a day.”

 

Derek reached for his hand and said, “I know.”

 

“It’s just, I don’t want this,us,” John looked up at him, “To end here.”

 

“We won’t.” Derek answered him, “I won’t let us.”

 

John wanted to argue but frankly, he was too tired after a day of work. He took a deep breath, “In case we do...end, I,” He looked down, “I want to be with you.”

 

Derek frowned, “You are.”

 

John chuckled, “No, I mean,” He cursed at himself for his unusual shyness and forced himself to look up into Derek’s eyes, “I want to fuck.” Maybe that was too direct, “That is, if you want. And I know I said that I didn’t, but if I never get to be alone with you again-”

 

“No I get it.” Derek said. Then he smiled, “Let’s do it. But only if you really want to, it can be difficult your first time-”

 

“It’s not.” Said John with newfound confidence.

 

Derek gaped, “Oh?”

 

John blushed, “I tried it, y’know. A couple times.” He’d been twelve when he first kissed another boy, but he’d been pushed away in disgust and then reprimanded. The urges remained of course, but he learned to hide them. He’d been sixteen when a sailor had offered to pay him for a blowjob and, locked out Mimi’s house for the night, John had agreed. Then there was Paul, the one that would never fall in love for John. They never kissed, much less anything else. But eventually John had told Paul how he felt, and Paul had been kind but firm, he wasn’t like that and he wasn’t willing to try it out. Then Stu had kissed  _ him _ once, then regretted it and ignored John for days. In Hamburg he had had a few more encounters, mostly with male prostitutes. Then there had been Brian, the man John could never fall in love with. They’d tried it in Spain, but the passion just wasn’t there. Then John moved on and kept away from sleeping with men, he abstained from it for years and years. He married Yoko and was in love, then they were on a break and he left for L.A. He’d slept with Harry Nilson, on a night where the other man clearly needed some physical comfort and then two had never mentioned it again. He’d almost slept with Elton, but decided that he preferred his friendship. More than a couple times, he supposed. 

 

Derek nodded, “Are you gay?”

 

John shook his head, “Bisexual, I think. Don’t really care to find a label, I’ll go crazy having to fit in another box.”

 

The older man hummed. Then he blushed, “And, er, is there a... position you prefer? Or?” He hadn’t really expected to have this conversation with the rockstar, but he didn’t actually mind. These were intimate things, and he was happy to learn all about John.

 

John laughed with a look at the ground. “Bottom.” When he was young, he hadn’t wanted to admit it. He was so afraid of being seen as weak by total strangers that he played the dominating, angry macho part. It was actually Brian, that night in Spain, that had taught him to accept his desires and that they were okay. 

 

Derek nodded, pleased. He offered his hand and a soft smile. “Shall we, then?”

 

John took his hand and they stood up. Walking around the table to face each other, each tried to calm their nerves. Finally, they were standing right in front of each other, their breaths mixing and noses touching. 

 

They kissed and explored each other’s mouths. 

 

“Should we go to the bedroom?” Asked Derek.

 

John took his hand in lieu of answer and let him towards his bedroom. 

 

They smiled at each other as they walked, no matter what happened in the next few days, they would always have this night.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't write a smut scene. Should I? Let me know.


	7. The Night

Derek’s soft hands guided John’s body to lie down on the bed, then he reached up to take off his lover’s round glasses. 

 

John exhaled and started to unbutton the older man’s shirt as Derek caressed John’s bare back.  The singer had shrugged off his own shirt the moment they entered the room. 

 

Once they were both shirtless, Derek started to move down John’s body and he placed kisses throughout his chest and stomach, making the younger man whimper. With his teeth, he grabbed the zipper of John’s trousers and dragged it down. He ran his hands from John’s shoulders to his navel, “You sure about this?”

 

John smiled at the ceiling, “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”

 

With that, Derek popped the button on John’s jeans and slowly, almost teasingly, started to take them off. Christ, the singer wasn’t wearing any pants. 

 

John shivered as the air hit his naked body. He felt himself being stared at and started to curl in embarrassment, but Derek’s firm hand on his thigh stopped him. “Derek?”

 

Derek’s breaths were shallow, “You are gorgeous.” 

 

John smiled with his eyes closed, relaxing. 

 

Derek started to lick and nip at his inner thigh, and John let out a moan. He’d forgotten what it felt like to make love, his last time with Yoko had been rough, she’d been riding him and pulling his hair, bruising his arms. He liked it rough, sure, but there was something about going at it slow, something about letting himself be vulnerable and soft. There was something about being treated like delicate China, something gratifying and refreshing. 

 

Derek took ahold of John’s legs and started to spread them, he swallowed, “You have lube?” He couldn’t believe this was happening. This was the first time he’d been with someone he’d actually cared about since his divorce. John was beautiful and his, all his. 

 

John shook his head, making his hair bounce around the pillow. “It’s alright, I’ll lick your fingers.”

 

Derek moaned quietly at that and brought his hand up to John’s mouth, who wasted no time in taking it in. He had a talented tongue and it played with Derek’s fingers as he sucked. 

 

Finally, Derek moved his hand away and replaced it with his lips. They both sighed into the kiss, but John’s turned into a small yelp as he felt a finger prod at his entrance. 

 

The older man brushed John’s hair on the pillow, “You okay?”

 

John nodded, “Yeah, it’s just...it’s been a while.”

 

“I understand, I’ll be gentle.” Derek kept on kissing John as he prepared him.

 

John trembled in anticipation and want. He whined as another finger was inserted, and another. “Derek, please…” He breathed. 

 

Derek looked down at him, “Yes, John? What do you need?” God, he was so tight, it was perfect.

 

John opened his eyes to look at the hassy figure on top of him, “I need you.” He raised his legs up and spread them wider, “Please, Derek, I need you.”

 

The older man leaned down for another kiss. “You sure?” He teased. 

 

John groaned, “Yes!”

 

“Alright, alright.” Derek laughed and pulled his finger out. He spit into his hand and coated himself, “It might not be enough.” He warned.

 

“It’ll be enough.” John cried, desperate. 

 

Derek caressed John’s body as he gently entered him, the singer was tight and it felt wonderful. “Is this okay?”

 

John hissed in pain but his back arched in pleasure, “Yes, yes, Derek.”

 

Derek kissed him one more time, “You’re beautiful.”

 

The singer curled his toes, “I love you.” He breathed. Then snapped his eyes opened. Shit, had he ruined everything? Was he too forward? 

 

Derek stilled, but was quick to relax. “Oh,  _ John _ .” He started to move, his thrusts slow and gentle. “I love you too.” He groaned, “God, I love you.”

 

John grinned as he arched his back off the bed. He moaned and mewled in bliss, his hands clenching at the sheets. 

 

Derek gained speed but remained considerate. He too was letting out an array of sounds. 

 

John was filled with ecstasy, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d truly enjoyed being in bed with someone. He didn’t think about Yoko, he didn’t worry about what she’d do if she found out, he just let himself go. 

 

It wasn’t long before Derek reached his climax and he kissed John as he filled him. He rode the orgasm out and reached for John’s own cock. 

 

John moaned and came soon after, calling out Derek’s name. He felt cherished and appreciated...it had been so long.

 

Derek sighed as he pulled out and collapsed next to John. “Christ, I love you.”

 

John rested his head on Derek’s chest and said, “I’ll doubt he’ll appreciate it as much as I do.”

 

The older man chortled and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around the singer. “I do, you know, love you.”

 

John rubbed his head against the warm chest, “I know.” He held Derek tight, “I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

John sighed in contentment as he remembered their last night together. He was back at the Dakota, holding Alice in his arms as he looked out the window, Sean watching cartoons in the living room. 

 

They’d had sex in the morning as well, and snogged passionately in the elevator before reaching John’s floor. That had been two days ago. John hadn’t had time to go out at all, Sean had gotten sick while he was away with the flu and had missed his daddy. 

 

Speaking of, “Daddy?” Came his son’s young voice, “Neck hurts, daddy.”

 

John put Alice down next to the other cats and hurried to kneel at his son’s side. “It’s your throat that’s hurting, sweetheart, not your neck.”

 

Sean pouted, “Throat hurts, daddy!”

 

John pouted with him as he picked him up, “I know, I know. I’ll get you your medicine.” But as he went to get the syrup from the kitchen, he found the bottle empty. “I’m going to have to go and pick up some more, Sean-Chan.”

 

Sean whined but he was also happy, the syrup tasted ugly. 

 

John was also happy, he’d get a chance to see Derek again. 

* * *

 

Derek was surprised when he opened the doors on the seventh floor and found John in front of him. He grinned like an idiot and exclaimed, “John!”

 

The singer smiled. He hadn’t wasted much time on his clothes seeing as his son needed his medicine pronto, but he had changed his large t-shirt for a well-fitting bright red blouse that didn’t button all the way to the top. That way Derek got ample view of him, and he could enjoy the warmer weather of the day. 

 

“Hi, Derek.” He said as he got on, his blood pumping. The moment the doors closed he was on the older man, snogging him senseless. 

 

Derek’s arms came up to wrap around John’s waist and he held the younger man close, “I missed you.”

 

John kissed him again, “I love you.”

 

Derek was glad that it was all still there. He ignored all his preoccupations, they were going to be alright. 

 

* * *

 

John went out a lot more in the days that followed, mostly with Sean but alone too. He was hooked on Derek, who treated him like gold. He’d been writing and playing too, like he hadn’t in years. Real Love was finished and there were another two on the way.

 

Derek complimented him, his clothes, his voice. And he made Sean laugh with his little jokes. It was beautiful, what John felt, it was happiness. 

 

But happiness had never been known to last him long. 

 


	8. Hell

John walked into his apartment with a smile on his face and a rose in hand.

 

“What’s this?” He’d asked as Derek had shown it to him.

 

The older man had blushed, “Just a little something, it’s for you.”

 

John had grabbed it and brought it to his nose to smell, “It’s beautiful, thank you.” And it was, a deep red colour that reminded him of passion and love. Their passion and love. 

 

Derek had stepped closer, “Like you.”

 

John his him gently with the rose, “You flirt.” Still, he’d leaned up to kiss his lover. 

 

And he was home from the supermarket (He hadn’t really wanted to go but he needed every excuse to see Derek.) and put his bags down on the kitchen table. Odd that Sean hadn’t shown up yet. “Sean?” He called, “I’m home, sweetheart.” He walked into the living room expecting to see his son but stopped short when he saw Yoko instead. His wife was sitting straight with an unfamiliar tall Japanese man standing behind her, he looked unfriendly. 

 

“Hello, John.” She said in a cold voice.

 

Her husband forced a smile, “Yoko? What are you doing here, where’s Sean?”

 

Yoko didn’t stand up, “He’s gone. I’ve sent him away with his nanny.”

 

John paled, “What, what do you mean you’ve sent his away?” His voice trembled.

 

Yoko offered him a cold smile, “Did you think I wouldn’t find out about your little affair?”

 

John raised a hand, “Mother-”

 

“You’ve been neglecting Sean, John.” She interrupted, “I had to take him away for his own good.”

 

John was shaking his head, “No, no!”

 

Yoko held up a sheet of paper, the lyrics for Real Love, “You’ve been writing again, for him?”

 

“Yoko-”

 

She didn’t let his speak, “I’ve spoken with the administration. Your Derek will be fired soon.”

 

John moved closer, “No, you can’t!” He pleaded.

 

His wife wasn’t feeling merciful, “I already did. Understand, John, this is for your own good.” Her tone was fake sweet and it made John’s skin crawl, “Yours and Sean’s.”

 

John tried again, “He needs this job!” Derek had spoken to him about how embarrassed he had been originally about working as a lift operator, but said that he had no other choice if he wanted a stable life. “Please, mother. I’ll do anything.” Anything for Derek. For him John would beg, “Please.”

 

Yoko stepped closer and examined the defeated man in front of her. Finally she said, “You must promise me you will never see him again. You won’t leave the apartment without my permission  _ and _ only when he’s not working.”

 

John gaped, “He works  _ all day _ .”

 

“Then you won’t leave all day!” Yoko snapped at him, “And since you’ve proven I can’t trust you, I’ve hired Toshi here to make sure you don’t cause us any more trouble.” She walked towards him and ripped the rose from his hands.

 

As she was leaving with both the flower and the song, John called out to her, “When will you bring Sean back home?”

 

She hardly paused, “When you earn my trust again.” And the door slammed behind her. 

 

John was left staring at the glaring bodyguard, prison guard. He felt himself breaking and practically ran to his room. There he allowed the tears to fall and the sobs to break free from his throat. He curled into a ball in the cold floor and cried. He’d lost his son, his beautiful boy. What a fool he’d been, thinking that it wouldn’t happen. What an idiot.

* * *

 

Derek was concerned, he hadn’t seen or heard from John in a few days now. And whenever he asked Roberta or some other tenants they would tell him that they had no idea where he was. No one had heard from him and Yoko had been more of a ghost than person, a shadow in the corner of people’s eyes.

 

Then one day she got on the elevator from John’s floor to go down to the first floor where her office was, it had been some time since she had used the lift and not the stairs. 

 

Derek dared to ask, “Ms. Ono, how is John? I haven’t seen him a while.” It took a lot of strength to make his tone polite. 

 

The woman scoffed, “And you won’t.”

 

Derek frowned and tensed, “Ma’m?”

 

“You should be grateful, after yours and John’s little stunt I could have had you fired.” She looked at him with disdain, “If it weren’t for John, you’d be on the streets.”

 

Fuck, she knew. Derek had promised John that everything would be fine and here she was, telling him that he was never going to see him again. His blood turned cold, “What have you done to him?”

 

She smiled coldly at him, “Only what he brought upon himself.” The lift stopped, “Don’t concern yourself with it. You won’t see him again.” And she walked out, leaving Derek with a heavy feeling in his chest.

* * *

 

Paul had arrived to New York the day before and was currently attending a part of sorts with plenty of singers. He half hoped to see John there, but neither he or Yoko were there to be seen. He did, eventually, spot Roberta Flack as he was serving himself some punch. Linda had come with him but was occupied talking with a group of photographers.

 

Paul approached Roberta and greeted her with a hand on her forearm, “Hello, there.”

 

She turned from her conversation, “Oh, Paul! I didn’t know you were going to be here.” She smiled at him from beneath her curls. 

 

“Yeah, me neither.” Paul took a sip of his drink, “I was actually hoping to see John, since I couldn’t last time I was here.”

 

Suddenly, Roberta’s face fell. “Oh, Paul you must go!”

 

He grew concerned, “Why, what’s wrong?”

 

“No one’s heard from him in days, and he hasn’t left his apartment either. And…” She looked around nervously, “There’s a strange man hanging around the apartment, some Japanese guard or something like that. I tried to visit John but he bared me entrance.” She shook his head, “There’s something wrong, Im sure of it.”

 

Paul nodded, his face forlorn. “Do you think you could help me get in? To see if John’s alright.”

 

She nodded, “Of course. I don’t know what happened, he was looking much happier recently.”

 

The younger man hummed, worried and confused. Hopefully, he’d get answers soon.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, the plan was ready to be put in motion. Paul had hired two kids that lived on one of the floors of the Dakota and got along with Roberta to knock on John’s door and annoy the guard into chasing them away. If that worked, Paul could come out of where he’d be hiding in Maureen’s apartment. Then he go in and see John, if John was even there. Maybe the man was just on holiday and this was a massive overreacting but Roberta (and Maureen) had really sounded concerned. 

 

Paul had gotten into the lift without being spotted by Yoko like he’d been last time. He told the man operating it that he wanted to go to the seventh floor. 

 

“Yes, Mr.McCartney.” The man said, looking at him curiously. 

 

Paul groaned internally, preparing himself for questions about whether the Beatles were getting back together and blah bleh bloh. But got a surprise as the man said in an almost sad tone.

 

“He spoke fondly of you, John.” Derek remembered the last breakfast the two had had together when John had shared funny stories about his youth, Paul featuring prominently in them. He had laughed wistfully as he’d mentioned his partner, saying that he would like to give him a call or even visit him. But John had shook his head sadly, knowing Yoko would never allow it.

 

Paul looked at him, “You know him?” Also, John spoke about him? About Paul? Maybe the relationship wasn’t as screwed as Paul sometimes believed it was.

 

Derek nodded, “I...I wanted to.” He sighed, “It’s my fault.”

 

Paul frowned, “What was?”

 

“That Ono locked him up like this, or whatever she did.” He shook his head, “John and I...we, we had an affair. She found out.”

 

Paul took a moment to react. John had had an affair with this man. Man. Of course, as much as he’d like to deny it, Paul knew about John’s tendencies. He’d known the man for over twenty years, after all. But he’d never actually expected that John would act upon these feelings with anyone, at least not enough for it to be called an affair. 

 

The man kept talking, “He told me this would happen, but I...I thought I could protect him.” 

 

The younger man looked down, this wasn’t sounding good at all. He decided he could trust the man, perhaps foolishly, and said, “I’m going to see him right now.” 

 

Derek looked up, “Please, tell him I’m sorry.” And he was, and would be more sorry if he found out John was in any way hurt. “And...I love him.”

 

Paul walked out into the corridor, “I will.” He smiled as the doors closed. 

 

* * *

 

He nodded to Maureen as he heard a commotion in the hallway and walked out once he’d heard footsteps vanish. Quickly, he took long strides to John’s door and knocked. He really hope there wasn’t another bodyguard inside.

 

John snapped up from his moping on the couch as he heard some knocks. Where was the Yoko’s man? Tentatively, he stood up and walked to the door. Slowly, he looked through the peephole. Was that...Paul? In an instant, the door was open and John threw himself forward.

 

Paul huffed as John’s weight descended on him. The older man clinged to him tightly and Paul couldn’t help but let a laugh escape him. “Alright, alright, let me get inside.”

 

John let him through, “What did you do with the brute?”

 

His friend smiled, “Got some kids to distract him.” Then he frowned, “What’s this?” He raised a hand and went to touch a bruise forming on the side of John’s face.

 

John moved away, “Nothing important.”  _ Dear _ Toshi had just gotten impatient for his breakfast. 

 

Paul looked at him, “What’s going on, Johnny? Everyone’s worried.”

 

John walked back into the living room, “Oh, are they?”

 

“Yes.”

 

The two sat down, one concerned and the other tense. 

 

Paul decided to speak, “I met a friend of yours on the lift.”

 

John’s head snapped up, “Derek?” He didn’t wait for an answer, “Is he alright? Still has his job?”

 

Paul nodded with confusion, “So it’s true then? About you and him?”

 

John froze, “How did you find out?” Had the news gotten out? Was it everywhere?”

 

“Don’t worry, he told me.” Paul put a hand on John’s shoulder, “He seems like a nice guy.” 

 

John smiled, “He is. Is he alright, then?”

 

Paul nodded, “Yes. Worried, but we all are.”

 

“I’m okay.” John tried to reassure, “I just need Sean back.”

 

The younger man had an ugly idea as to where this was going, “Where is he?”

 

John curled into himself, “...she took him, Yoko took him. Said she couldn’t trust me so she sent him away.” A tear escaped from his eye.

 

Paul’s heart broke, he knew from the small number of conversations he’d had with John in the past few years that Sean was John’s whole world, he couldn’t imagine the pain his friend was in. “Come with me.” He offered, “This isn’t right, you could sue her.”

 

John shook his head, “Don’t you see, macca? I can’t. I need Sean back.”

 

“This is abuse, John. Everyone would be on  _ your _ side.” Paul insisted. 

 

But the older man was convinced with fright, “I’ve no money, Paul. No access to lawyers...and she knows things. Things that, even if I got Sean back, they would ruin us.” He wiped a tear away, “I can’t allow Sean to be put through that.”

 

Knowing the older man, Paul decided there would be no convincing John today. He grabbed a rolling paper from inside his jacket and took a pen from the coffee table. “Please, if you need my help, call this number. I’m staying in town for a while and I’m not leaving until I help you, okay?”

 

John couldn’t help but smile, “Thank you.” He said and took the paper, he would have to hide it well. Or better yet, memorize it and burn it. 

 

Paul’s answer was interrupted by thunderous footsteps coming from right outside the door. The two shot up and John led Paul to a hall closet. 

 

He closed the door just in time to see Toshi enter the flat and glare at him. John just stared at him and walked back into the living room, “Where were you?”

 

The tall man answered with another question, “Who else was here?”

 

John scoffed, “No one, what are you talking about?”

 

Toshi stepped closer and clenched his hands, “Don’t lie to me, Lennon.”

 

In this moment, Paul was closing the door of the flat and quickly running towards the service stairs. He didn’t hear the conversation taking place. 

 

The thin singer sat on his white couch and glared, “Not my fault you’re bad at your job.” He tilted his head, “Tell me, are you screwing my wife too?”

 

Next thing he knew there was a soaring pain in his face. Well, there went another bruise. Toshi grabbed his arm in a vice grip and dragged him away. John was thrown into the room covered in Yoko’s art work and locked in. He held himself and fell to the floor to rest against a wall. For how much longer would he have to endure this hell?


	9. Price to Pay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware, this chapter is *quite* dark. the warnings r in the tags but there is a dub-con scene in this chapter. If you don't want to read it (it's just one paragraph) skip the photoshoot scene and then read the end notess. (i really don't think this fic is read enough for anyone to want to avoid it) thanks. I have plans to update my mclennon fics next and start another one. ALSO , again, I like Yoko in real life and this is fiction.

Derek knew something was wrong when Yoko Ono got on the lift with a fiery expression on her face and a huge man following her. She got the lift to move herself, her movements erratic. God, what was she going to do now?

 

The huge man glaring at him and barring his teeth like an animal had kept him silent but as the lift stopped he reached out a took ahold of Yoko’s arm. “What are you going to do?”

 

She ripped her arm away from his grasp and turned to him, “One more word out of you and you’re fired.” She hissed. 

 

The man was about to yell that he didn’t give a damn when the man grabbed his arm and slammed him into one of the elevator walls, his back taking the blow. By the time he righted himself, the two were gone. He shook his head worryingly, what would happen to John now?

 

* * *

 

John was cleaning up a broken glass Toshi had thrown of the table when he heard his door slam open. In a moment of unrealistic hopefulness, he thought it was Derek coming to save him. Then he thought maybe Paul was back, but the clicking of heels told him otherwise. He went to the living room just as Yoko walked into it. The other bodyguard that was following her went further into the flat, in the direction of the bedrooms. 

 

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” She said to him, eyes ablaze. 

 

John frowned, what could she be talking about now? “What do you mean?”

 

“Paul Mccartney was here.”

 

The younger man froze but only a second, “Wha-no!”

 

Yoko raised a hand, “I don’t have time for your lies, now I know how little you care about Sean.”

 

John was incredulous, “No-”

 

“Hold him.” His wife told Toshi. 

 

John panicked as his arms were grabbed and pulled tightly against his back, “What the fuck are you doing!?”

 

Yoko when into the hallway and there was the sound of the closet (Same closet Paul had hidden in.) opening. She came back in with a hammer in hand. 

 

John was shaking, was she going to kill him!? No, she wouldn’t! It was not like her and after all, if he died she was left with nothing but problems. Right?

 

And John was proven right, just not in a way he would have wanted, when the mysterious man came into the living room holding a few of John’s guitars, depositing them on John’s beloved white piano. He went back into the bedroom and came back holding the rest, carelessly letting them bang together and holding them by strings and pegs. 

 

John’s voice trembled as he looked at Yoko, “W-What are you doing?”

 

“Something that perhaps will finally teach you a lesson.” Yoko said as she walked towards the piano and raised the hammer. 

 

John screamed as the first guitar was smashed and thrashed in Toshi’s hold as she kept on striking all the rest, breaking them and tearing them. The piano was gathering a string of bruises too. “Stop! Please, Yoko!” He yelled desperately as she broke the neck of his first ever guitar that his mum had bought him, “Yoko, please, I’m sorry! I’m-Mhhm!” Toshi’s hand came up to cover his mouth but John kept on yelling behind it. 

 

She threw the wood and string pieces to the floor and walked around to the keys of the piano, looking up to see her husband pleadingly shaking his head at her. But she was overcome by anger and had no mercy as she brought the hammer down. 

  
  


Afterwards, after all the destruction had taken place, John was quietly sobbing on the floor, tenderly holding a neck and part of a body of two different guitars. The neck belonged to the guitar he’d played on the white album with, and the body to one George had gifted to him. Pieces, that’s all that remained. 

 

Yoko took his chin a raised it up, “Apologize to me, John.” 

 

“...Go to hell.” He glared up at her, his glasses fogged. 

 

Her hand came down quickly in a slap that made his head snap back. She straightened up and walked away, “You won’t see Sean any time soon.”

 

John paled and he crawled over to her, “No, wait!” He bowed at her feet, as he once had done in jest when they were but children, “...I  _ am _ sorry, mother. Please, I’ll do anything.”

 

She looked down at him. “We’ll see.” And she walked out, her men following her. 

 

John was left defeated, his music in pieces behind him and a dak future looming. He fell to the floor and thought about Sean, all this was worth it for Sean. He couldn’t top himself no matter how agonized he might be feeling, then his son be left with no one to take care of him except the nanny.

 

* * *

 

Paul was awoken in the middle of the night by the hotel room phone ringing. Linda groaned blearily beside him, “Who could it be at this hour?”

 

Paul sat up reluctantly, hardly anyone knew this number so it had to be someone important. He stumbled towards the phone and once he’d picked it up he said, “Yes? Paul Mc-” he yawned “McCartney speaking.”

 

“Oh Paul!” Came the scandalized voice of Roberta, “Paul, something’s terribly wrong!”

 

In an instant, Paul was wide awake, “Roberta? What is it?”

 

“Maureen called and the other tenants have been talking too, they heard smashing and screams come from John’s place. Nobody knows what happened and Yoko Ono’s been even more elusive than usual.”

 

Paul shook his head, “No one called the police?”

 

Roberta’s voice was irritated, “No, administration has very strict rules about it. What with all us celebrities living here, it keeps scandals from happening.” She laughed over the phone, “I used to think that was a good thing.”

 

The younger man rubbed his forehead, “Look, we’re going to need to get back in somehow. It can’t be too obvious, is the man still there?”

 

“Yes, and he has a friend now.” Roberta’s voice was angry. 

 

Paul frowned, “Alright...maybe we just need to be strong, get in there and get John out. If she’s hurting him now, that could get her in jail.”

 

They settled that they would talk again tomorrow and try to come up with a plan, but they had to be careful, if John was right, Yoko had many connections and it wouldn’t be easy to win this fight. 

 

* * *

 

John’s ‘anything’ came sooner than he would have liked, but that was the price to pay to get his son back. 

 

He was awoken in the morning by Yoko, he’d been sleeping for a long time emotionally and physically tired. He, as was his tendency, was wearing nothing as he slept. 

 

“Wake up.” Yoko told him, “I’ve scheduled a photoshoot.”

 

He squinted at her, “A photoshoot?” hell, did she expect him to  play the happy husband after all the shit that had just happened?

 

“Yes.” She looked at him, “And don’t bother dressing.” She was wearing a robe.

 

Not really understanding, he stood up and grabbed his kimono. Whatever sort of photoshoot Yoko planned, he had no desire to go at it starkers. 

 

He followed his wife into the apartment adjacent to theirs through a door in the hallway and into an empty bedroom occupied by a mean looking photographer setting up his equipment and his assistant, a young woman. 

 

The woman dropped a can of film and the photographer snapped at her, “Watch what you’re doing, you foolish girl!” 

 

She meekly apologized, “Sorry, uncle.” And picked it up.

 

The man turned to the, “Ah, Mrs. and Mr. Ono, are you quite ready?”

 

“Yes.” Said Yoko, “Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr. Vismount.”

 

“Oh, it’s my pleasure.” He smiled sickenly sweet and turned to John, “If you’ll disrobe, Mr. Ono.”

 

John had a sinking feeling about this and pulled Yoko aside, “Yoko, what is this?”

 

She looked at him innocently, “You said you’d do anything, John. Don’t you want Sean back?”

 

John stepped back and took a deep breath. Then he started to take off the fastenings of his robe, “Where do you want me?”

 

Turns out the man wanted him in all sort of positions: Laying down, curled up, legs opened wide, kneeling, his head thrown back, standing. All intimate positions which John was not comfortable with, but he said nothing at least until the man said, “On all fours now.”

 

John frowned at him, “Why?”

 

Yoko answered for him, “Because, John, he’s the photographer and he knows best.” She raised an expectant eyebrow at him. 

 

Reluctantly, the younger man knelt and put his hands in the ground before him. There were sounds of photographs being taken.

 

“Yes. Now, elbows on the ground.” Said Vismount. 

 

John shook his head but did as he was told, the cold floor making him shiver. More photographs were taken. 

 

“Alright, now. Ms. Ono?”

 

John was startled as Yoko kneeled in front of him, raised his head, and roughly kissed him. He made a noise of protest and went to move away but she leaned up to whisper on his ear, “Anything, John.”

 

And like a charm, John went pliant in her arms. 

 

Ally, Vismount’s niece, watched sadingly as her uncle took many pictures of the famous couple making love. Right, ‘love.’ She saw as Ono scratched at John Lennon, pulled his hair, bruised his limbs, and roughly moved him around like a doll. And he just...let her do it. He let her ride him and bite him and bit his lip to stop any pained sounds coming out. 

 

When it was done, Yoko stood up to speak with Vismount and Ally went to give John his kimono back. He flinched as she touched his shoulder and her heart broke for him. “Your robe, Mr. Lennon.”

 

John’s lip was bleeding and he winced as he shrug on his clothes. “Ta.” Was all he said. 

 

He stood up and tried to calm his shaking hands s he walked towards Yoko. Interrupting her conversation with Vismount, he said, “When will Sean be back?” Surely she could ask for no more from him. 

 

Unbeknown to them, Ally was listening attentively to the conversation. 

 

Yoko looked at him, was that a touch of regret in her eyes? “I’ll have him home Friday.”

 

Friday. Okay, that was two days. John could survive that. He had another question, “Mother...what were those pictures for?”

 

She answered, “I’m hosting a private gallery soon and needed more material, submissiveness is quite a fascinating subject.” She smiled thinly, “Don’t worry, the press won’t see them.”

 

John was not reassured, but as long as he had Sean back, he could deal with all that later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Yoko forces John to have sex while a photographer takes pictures for her private gallery in order to get sean back. Ally, the photographer's assistant is hearing all of this. that's it.


	10. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah im updatin this...im just oging thorough my notebook and writing down everything i have so i get caught up in all my stories. 
> 
>  
> 
> AGAIN IDONT HATE YOKO I THINK SHE WAS GREAT FOR JOHN THIS IS FICTION FICTION PLEASE DONT HATE YOKO EITHER

The moment he’d gotten Sean back, John had locked himself and his son in his bedroom. It was the only place he felt safe anymore. The day before he had sneaked into the other apartment and stolen a phone, which he’d quickly installed in his own bedroom.  Turns out it was a good thing that he’d been so paranoid of the telephone guys back in the early seventies. 

 

Right now, Sean was sleeping and John was calling Paul’s number. He had Sean back and now he could act. Fearful as he was, John couldn’t live one more day in this place. 

 

“Hello?” Came Paul’s voice, the connection poor. 

 

“I need you help.” Was the first thing out of John’s mouth.

 

Paul’s tone was more alert now, “John? Is that you?” He said, “You’re okay, I’ve heard terrible things.”

 

A sob escaped him, quiet so as to not wake up Sean. “She smashed my guitars, Macca...and the piano.”

 

“Fuckin’ christ…” Came his friend’s shocked voice. 

 

But John was not done, he needed to talk. “And she, she came over the other day- I needed sean back, Paul. You know I  _ needed _ him back.”

 

Paul’s voice was reassuring, “I know, Johnny.”

 

John let out a shuddering breath, “She brought a photographer in to take, to take pictures of us….I’d promised I would do  _ anything _ .”

 

Familiar with Yoko’s antics, Paul could easily figure exactly what the photographs were about. He gripped the telephone harder, “Is Sean there?”

 

John nodded, “Yeah, she brought him back. We’re in my room.”

 

“Listen,” Paul started, “pack your bags. I’m coming to get you.”

 

Relieved but also anxious, John said, “But mother-”

 

“John, let her do whatever she wants.” Paul interrupted, “I’m here for you. And so are Richie and George, I called them.” His tone was soft, “and I’m Derek is too.”

 

Derek....Toshi had come back the other day with a bruise on his face, had given John one to match. He’d screamed about the ‘lift man’ and something about a fight. John had laughed, Derek had punched Toshi right in the face! But he’d probably been fired over it...perhaps he blamed John, perhaps he wanted nothing more to do with him. John sighed and looked at his son, “She will destroy us.” He whispered.

 

Paul sounded confident, “Let me worry about that, okay? I’ll be there within the hour, be ready.”

 

* * *

 

Derek was smoking outside the Dakota, planning his way to get back in. After he’d hit that ugly brute, security had dragged him outside and thrown him to the streets. Needless to say, he’d gotten fired. But it didn’t matter, John was still inside, suffering. But one man wasn’t nearly enough to fight through security, much less get to the seventh floor.

 

It was then that he spotted Paul McCartney getting out of his car, a fierce look in his face. 

 

“Mr.McCartney!” Derek shouted. 

 

Paul turned to him and sighed in relief, “Derek! Just the man I needed to see.” He reached the older man, “Listen, I’m getting John and Sean out.”

 

“Oh, thank god.” Derek said. McCartney had to have some pull, right? “The things I’ve heard...Is he okay?” 

 

Paul looked at the ground, “He will be. Will you help me?

 

Derek nodded with determination, “Of course.”

  
  


When the bodyguard opened the door, the last thing he expected was for the ‘lift man’ to be there.

 

“Remember me?” Derek asked and swung viciously. Such was his strength, that the huge man hit the wall and crumpled to the floor. But it wouldn’t last long. 

 

As Paul had been charming the lady at the front desk, Derek had sneaked up the service stairs and to the seventh floor. Now Paul appeared behind him and whistled, “Nice one.”

 

“Let’s go.” Derek said and they entered the apartment.

 

“Johnny?” Called out Paul.

 

There was the sound of a door unlocking and John bruised head popped out. He gaped at them and Sean rushed forwards, hugging Derek’s leg. “Beret.” He said.

 

Derek chuckled, “Hello, kid.”

 

Paul and Derek helped John with the suitcases, three of them in total and they left. Before the had gone through the door, Paul had asked, “Is there nothing else you want from here?”

 

John had looked around, staring at the space where his piano was supposed to be. “No.” He’d said with a flat tone, “There’s nothing here.”

 

The went down the stairs, John carrying Sean in his arms and Derek holding his hand tight. Paul in the lead. 

 

But when they reached the landing, they found themselves surprised. Yoko was there, with the other bodyguard behind her fuming. 

 

Her eyes centered on her husband, “What’s going on here, John?”

 

Sean frowned at her, “Mummy?”

 

John put him down and his the boy behind him, not wanting Yoko to be too close. He put on a brave face, “I’m leaving, Yoko.”

 

She raised an eyebrow, “Is that so?”

 

Paul stood in front of his partner, “He’s coming with me.”

 

Yoko’s eyes narrowed at him before she sighed. “I can’t let you take Sean, John.” She said, “You’re unwell. It’s not safe.” There was a shrug in her shoulders. 

 

John glared, “I’ve never felt clearer.” He squeezed Derek’s hand.

 

Yoko laughed, “What’s your plan? You have no resources,” She said with a step closer, “No way to get money-”

 

“He has friends.” Paul said to her. Then he pointed to the baffled front desk lady staring at them, “Now, if you don’t Ms. Marrine there to come closer and see you trying to keep John’s child hostage, I suggest you let us pass.”

 

Yoko turned to the freaked out woman then stepped back. She took a firm gold of John’s arm as he passed, fording him to look at her. “You’ll be back.” She promised. 

 

John ripped his arm away and picked Sean up again, the child confused at the happenings. His father locked arms with Derek and followed Paul out, refusing to look back at his wife. 

 

* * *

 

Everyone was gathered in Linda and Paul’s suite. Sean was sleeping, tired out by the days events, and John was allowing himself to relax in Derek’s comforting arms. 

 

Paul was serving them drinks, figuring they all needed it. 

 

John nodded as he received him. “What am I going to do?” He asked at the air. 

 

Linda regarded him with pity. Paul had explained everything to her and she felt a protectiveness rise for the defeated man in front of her. 

 

“Sue her.” Paul said, “Fight for a divorce.”

 

John sighed and rested his forehead against Derek’s chest, “She’ll take everything. I wouldn’t mind but Sean…”

 

Derek held him close, “She’s abused you both. Locked you up, stole from you.”

 

“Smashed your things,” Paul continued. “The piano should be evidence enough!”

 

Derek frowned, “Piano?”

 

John took a sip of his brandy, “She, uh, smashed all my instruments after Paul came.” He shook his head, “But she could lie, say I did it in a rage.” He laughed sadly, “Done it before, I have.”

 

Paul carried on, “Not to this extent. People wouldn’t believe a word out of her mouth.”

 

Linda spoke up, “What about the photographer? He could be a witness, right?”

 

John tensed in Derek’s arms and his boyfriend looked down at him, “Photographer? I saw Yoko bring him in, some tall guy, no?” Derek asked, “Why was he there, John?”

 

“I…” John was at a loss for words, he shrugged. 

 

There was silence. Paul decided to break it.

 

“Rape accusations will ensure she loses Sean, if not everything else.” He said in a gentle voice. He was going out on a limb here, not certain if they’d actually had sex for the camaras. But John’s reaction told him al he needed to know.

 

John covered his face with his hands and made himself small.

 

Derek tensed, “Rape?”

 

John groaned quietly, “It wasn’t-”

 

“She used Sean as leverage to get you to have sex, threatened you, and had it filmed.” Paul said, “She could got to prison for that.”

 

Derek rubbed John’s arm, “Baby?” He asked in a sweet voice.

 

John sniffed, “She had too many connections-”

 

Paul groaned, “So do you! John, if we’re gonna do this, you can’t be afraid anymore.”

 

John’s head snapped up and he glared, “You think I wanna be?” He hissed. “You think I want to have nightmares about losing my son? About being left alone?” He waved a dismissive hand, “And now you want me to risk it all just because of some...some insignificant sex?”

 

There was silence in the aftermath of his outburst, shocked and pitying.

 

Linda, in a caring voice, said, “It wasn’t sex, John. What she did was illegal and she doesn’t deserve a, a truce.” She smiled encouragedly, “You’ll win, I know it. You won’t lose Sean.”

 

Derek kissed John’s forehead, “You’re not alone, baby. We’re all here for you.”

 

John just buried his face in his neck, he still wasn’t confident enough. It would take time for all of Yoko’s words and threats left him.


End file.
